


Stay, Vanitas, Please

by ll4nce



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Asphyxiation, Dysfunctional Relationships, Grief/Mourning, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Multi, Murder, Panic Attacks, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-23 01:21:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 29,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21311818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ll4nce/pseuds/ll4nce
Summary: Vanitas becomes addicted to happiness.
Relationships: Roxas/Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts), Vanitas/Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 44





	1. Hello

Vanitas stared at the present under the Christmas tree in suspicion. It was wrapped in a sleek black paper, red ribbons decorating the simple wrapping.

_"For Vanitas  
From someone who cherishes you"_

was written on a card with no other imprints attached to the present.

Sora was watching him with a gleeful expression, hiding behind a corner. He obviously wanted Vanitas to open the present and see his reaction - implying he knew from whom this present was. Sora looked so excited for it though - and it was Christmas, so Vanitas felt generous enough to indulge him. He picked up the small present and tore through the wrapping, carelessly throwing the paper aside to clean up later.

Slowly, his eyes widened as he was able to see the present - a small snow globe. On white snow, in front of a fir, two figures stood, clasping each other's hand. One had dark black hair and the other one had chocolate brown hair, one had blue pins for eyes and the other golden ones. It was self-made, with a lot of care and attention to detail, as the two people in the snow globe were wearing winter coats, scarves, gloves, pants, and shoes in the same color as Vanitas and Sora had last winter - Vanitas remembered so clearly because Sora insisted on getting matching yellow coats and red scarves, which clashed horribly with Vanitas's tendency to have black clothes only. It looked awful on the tiny Vanitas as well.

Vanitas lifted the snow globe closer to his face, staring at it in wonder. Sora behind the corner was forgotten, instead, he was mesmerized by the present. He shook it a little, and as any snow globe would, the tiny white fragments inside it swirled around, creating the illusion of snow falling on the two smiling figures. He stared until the snow settled and then shook it again, not noticing the tiny smile creeping to his face. He didn't know for how long he stood there, just watching the snow falling on the two figures in the snow globe - but when he checked the corner again, Sora was already long gone.

\---

It didn't take long for him to tickle it out of Sora - the present was from Ventus. Vanitas had never really tried to befriend any of Sora's friends. They seemed to be wary of him, and he couldn't blame them. He had a reputation running ahead of him. He didn't mind, usually, as it did help to keep idiots away from his presence, plus him being threatening also kept idiots away from Sora. Well, most of them that is.

He couldn't deny that he was sometimes hurt when Sora tried to include him and his friends all pulled a grimace (they felt like it was rude to outright reject him, so they never said anything) but it's not like he had to be liked by Sora's friends. They liked Sora enough to stand in the same room as Vanitas so that was good enough.

So the information that Ventus - the shy, nerdy kid out of Sora's friend group - of all people who _cherished_ him enough to make him that snow globe surprised him. He was curious. Why would Ventus of all people gift him something? Why would anyone who was not Sora or their parents ever gift him anything in general?

He felt drawn. More often than not, he watched Sora interact with Ventus (and Roxas, who was always with his twin) but felt weirdly shy when it got to approaching them. Maybe Sora noticed him creeping around too often when Ven was thereafter a while because he was then almost always dragged to hang out with the blond twins. And both of them didn't seem to mind his presence, on the contrary, they seemed to like having him around.

Ventus was sweet. He was nice and caring and the more Vanitas spent time with him, the more he questioned if Ventus didn't just give him the present simply because of the fact that he was sweet enough to give everyone a gift like that. The thought of that disappointed him somehow but he felt like it shouldn't.

Vanitas kept the snow globe on his shelf, looking at it every day. He wondered if he was a little too attached to the present, but he really liked it - so much. Ven's act of kindness to make this for him had him enraptured. Especially since Vanitas - in his own opinion at least - didn't do anything to deserve any of that. Even when they spent more time together, Vanitas can't say he ever did something nice for Ven, yet the blond continued to smile at him, greet him in hallways, making an effort to look for him during lunch to eat together and talk with each other - Vanitas can't even describe how happy such simple actions made him. 

He knew that it was just how Ven was - caring and kind to anyone but sometimes, he selfishly indulged in the thought of being the only recipient of Ven's kindness - he was drawn to the younger boy the more time he spent with him. Enamored by his benevolence. Charmed by his bright smile.

Ven made Vanitas realize two things: One, he was able to feel affection for someone that wasn't one of his parents or Sora after all. Two, Vanitas was very gay. Those were two life-changing realizations to him, so life-changing in fact, he had burst in tears suddenly when he was talking with his mother, who had awkwardly rubbed his back without knowing the context at all. _"Mom I'm gay,"_ he said without really thinking about any consequences and then held his breath as his mother blinked once, then twice and continued rubbing Vanitas's back. 

_"Vanitas, I will always love you."_ His mother assured him.

_"Even if I killed someone?"_ Vanitas asked. 

_"If you killed someone, I'd help you hide the body,"_ Mrs. Hart jokingly said, but then paused for a second. _"...But please don't kill anyone."_

Vanitas laughed - his mother told him he laughed very aggressively and that it was very scary - and his mother grinned. While Vanitas made her promise to not tell anyone about his crying attack, he told his father and Sora about his sexuality on the same day when they sat together during dinner. Both of them were supporting, though their father did not seem to completely understand what it meant (he did after Vanitas had explained him in more detail after dinner - he was so curious, he bore through Vanitas with questions too).

With his parents and Sora supporting him, his heart felt lighter and he spent most of his days imagining Ventus accepting him as they did.

He honestly didn't think he was able to feel this way for a person. It was different from what he felt for his parents or Sora, but just as potent, just as powerful. He wanted Ventus to be happy. See him smile for him. Laugh because of something Vanitas did for him. It wasn't a simple crush. Vanitas was falling hard and fast. He was already in love with the blond.

He's pretty sure Sora noticed that he was hopelessly smitten with Ven, as he kept dragging Roxas away to "hang out" while the twins were over - leaving Vanitas alone with Ven.

(He also observed Roxas glaring at Sora whenever that happened while Ventus shot him a grateful look. That might have been his imagination though.)

Time always flew when they spent time together - mostly just talking. They shared a lot of interests, surprisingly. At least to Vanitas, it was surprising, as he always assumed Ven was a shy nerdy kid who read books in his free time and ate healthy meals three times a day. To see him cursing loudly when they played shooting games together, trash-talking him when they played fighting games against each other, stuffing himself with greasy food whenever Vanitas offered - it made Vanitas realize there was so much more to Ven then just kindness and politeness. It made him fall harder and harder, just like it became harder and harder to hold his feelings in. Every time he spent days with Ventus and saw him smile, laugh, he felt like he was going to burst over with all the affection he felt for the younger boy and it almost made him feel sick. He wanted to hold him. Cuddle with him under dozen and dozens of blankets. Kiss him on the lips, softly...

God, he was in love.

\---

In early spring, Vanitas ditched class. He didn't even remember why. He was walking down the empty hallways. With everyone in class, it was almost completely silent, only Vanitas's steps echoing. The silence was interrupted by a soft sobbing sound, however, coming from… one of the lockers?

Curious, he followed the sound. There was no one in sight, yet the sound got louder and louder until Vanitas stood directly in front of a locker, staring at it for maybe a few seconds. The sobs have halted but Vanitas was sure they came from this one. He knocked.

"Hello? Someone in there?"

Shuffling. "P-please, can you get me out?"

Vanitas knew this voice. His hand quickly tried to open the locker, but of course, it was locked. "I might have to break this open," he said. Again, there was shuffling on the other side.

"Oh… it's my locker so it's not necessary," a familiar voice said and then told him the code, which Vanitas used to open it. And like Vanitas had predicted, a familiar blond stumbled into his arms, murmuring a soft thanks.

"Who did this, Ven?" Vanitas asked, trying his best to not shake from his anger and keep his voice even. But Ventus shook his head with a wry smile.

"If I told you, you'd go after them, start a fight and get in trouble. I don't want that." Vanitas begrudgingly had to admit he was right. He was furious. Ventus was so kind to everyone. He was funny and easy to talk to. What had he had done to deserve this? In Vanitas's opinion, Ven deserved all the happiness in the world.

"Why?" Vanitas asked and for a second, Ventus looked terrified. Then, he smiled, but his smile was so fake. Vanitas knew how he smiled genuinely, he had seen it a lot when they spent time together.

"I'd rather not tell you. I'm scared… that you won't like me anymore after that…" Ven whispered.

Vanitas sighed, running a hand through his hair. His other hand moved to gently grasp Ven's shoulder, while he looked for eye contact. "Ven you're my friend. That won't change, no matter what. I don't think you did anything I can hate you for. I don't think it's possible for you to."

Ven looked at him, still unsure. Vanitas squeezed his shoulder and tried his best to smile. "Trust me," he said, and those words were what convinced the blond.

"Ilikeboys," he blurted out and Vanitas blinked, not quite catching that. He patiently waited for Ven to try again, after making clear he did not understand what the other said with raised eyebrows and a tilted head.

Ven took a deep breath. "I… like a boy." He blushed deeply as he got that out. Vanitas thought it looked adorable.

"O-kaay?" Ven glared at him. Vanitas shrugged.

"In the like-like way! And I told Sora about it recently. Be-because I couldn't hold it in anymore. I asked him to keep it a secret but Sora told someone who told someone else and it somehow reached them and then they called me a _faggot_ and shoved me around laughing and… and locked me in there."

Urgh, Sora and his mouth. "I'll talk to Sora about it," Vanitas promised but Ven stared at him as if he expected more. "What?"

"Aren't we gonna talk about… that?" He asked, making Vanitas raise an eyebrow once again.

"You being gay for someone?" He helpfully supplied, making Ven flush once again. He got a shove for that. Vanitas supposed he deserved that.

"Yes, that! You don't think it's weird?"

Vanitas shrugged. "Not really. I mean, I am gay myself so it would be pretty dumb if I found it weird." He saw Ven's eyes widen at his confession.

"You're…"

"I am," Vanitas confirmed. "Those guys are idiots. There's nothing wrong with liking a boy. I'm sure Sora sees it that way too. Because he didn't know there would be trouble when he plappered." He left the part out where he hoped that the boy that Ven liked was he himself.

Ven's eyes found the ground. "...Thanks, Vanitas."

Because he was looking at the ground, he could not see the soft smile that took over Vanitas's face. "You're welcome, Ven. If you ever change your mind, tell me those names and I'll beat 'em to pulps." He cracked his knuckles to undermine that statement, grinning.

Once again, Ven glared at him. "No," he simply stated and then picked his backpack up, starting to stalk off in the direction of classes, but a hand in his shoulder stopped him. He turned around, meeting Vanitas's grinning face. "What."

"Let's skip," Vanitas said, using his head to point at the school entrance a little bit further. "We can stuff ourselves with fast food, complain about the world and bond over being gay!"

Immediately, Ven's face softened. He looked like he was seriously contemplating the idea. "That does sound better than going to class," he said, starting to smile. Oh, how Vanitas loved his smile.

"Well then, what are we waiting for?" He extended his hand towards the blond, who took it with a laugh. Their fingers intertwined and hand in hand, they ran off school grounds, laughing.

\---

His phone rang while he was lazing in his room. A smile crept on his face when he checked it - a message from Ventus. After the "locker incident", as Vanitas liked to call it, they became pretty close friends. They exchanged numbers and met whenever both of them were free - mostly in the diner close to Vanitas's home just talking while stuffing themselves with fries, sometimes gaming in Vanitas's room. Occasionally, Sora joined them.

The revelation that Ven liked boys (specifically one boy but Vanitas ignored that part of the information) gave Vanitas some hope that maybe he had a chance with the blond (god he hoped he was _the_ boy).

They stopped meeting during spring break because Ven claimed he was busy with something. He never specified why when he told Vanitas over text, but every time Vanitas offered to hang out, Ven declined. While there was a nagging thought that maybe Ven just got sick of him (he was hard to deal with - the only people who were able to stand him on a daily basis where Sora and his parents) and was trying to distance himself from him but Ven still texted him a lot, even without Vanitas messaging him first. So Vanitas supposed Ven really was busy, or at least too busy to hang out. So all they did was exchanging messages right now. Still, those messages were the highlight of Vanitas's day - God knows helping Sora with something he needed randomly was not (though he did it anyway, he simply couldn't say no to Sora and it was starting to become a problem).

_urgh i feel like im dying school is just kicking my ass_

Ven was surprisingly blunt over text. Vanitas hadn't noticed when they first started messaging each other, but Ventus complained a lot and wasn't afraid to call anyone out in their bullshit, seemingly looking at the world in a more cynical and negative way than Vanitas was able to make out from their hangouts. It was a little weird as if Ven turned into a whole new person over text. He was still fun to talk to so Vanitas didn't mind (honestly, Vanitas was sure Ven could kick a puppy and Vanitas would still adore him for it. It was a little disturbing). 

_arent you a nerd why would school trouble you_

He answered, sitting up in a more comfortable position waiting for a response. Ven was already typing.

_hardy har, youre so funny vanitas_   
_after I end school I will end you next_

Vanitas chuckled. 

_id like to see you try blondie_

He typed and sent. He imagining Ven sitting in his room, pouting while he texted with him. It made him blush way too hard and he immediately threw the thoughts overboard.

_you think I cant kick your ass_   
_i can and will_   
_youre too much of a softie to hurt me anyway_

Again, Vanitas blushed. He was slightly glad Ven was not here to see him - his face was pretty much confirming Ven's claim. It was a little embarrassing.

Yet, he missed talking to Ven face to face. There were just some things a text message couldn't convey and he missed the sound of Ven's voice, his smile, his laugh.

_lets meet up and settle this shrimp_

He hoped Ven would agree to meet up. They only hadn't seen each other for about a week, but for Vanitas, it had felt like an eternity. He really wanted to see the blond again.

He was so tense waiting for an answer he nearly jumped when his phone made that shrill message notification sound (he ought to change it sometimes).

_i can make some time tomorrow_

Immediately, Vanitas jumped up.

_really????_

Ven was typing. It felt like an eternity until the short message showed up.

_yeah_

Vanitas's fingers moved fast to answer. 

_usual place?_

Vanitas cheered silently when Ven confirmed this again. He was going to finally meet Ven. He had missed the blond more than he'd ever admit.

So the next day, he went to the diner. Ven was unusually late but Vanitas was too happy to let it irritate him. However, the more seconds and minutes dragged on, the more worried he got. It wasn't like Ven to be late. Vanitas pulled his phone out, looking over his messages with a hint of anxiety. Nothing new. Ven would have told him if he wasn't free after all right? What if something happened to him on his way here? Or what if Ven had planned to ditch him from the start? Should he have been more worried after all? God-

"Sorry I'm late."

Vanitas felt like his blood froze in his veins. Of all the scenarios he just imagined, this had to be one of the worst. He shook in his seat, trying his best to hold back tears. It was surprising to him - usually, he'd feel rage, fury. He'd snap, threaten the other, _How dare you, do you think I'm stupid, just tell me straight to my face, coward_ \- but with Ven, all he felt was overwhelming sadness. It was strange, he didn't even remember the last time he felt like this - his stomach whirling with new emotions, leading to an awful feeling of sickness instead of the usual soft fluttering when he spent time with Ventus. 

He needed to get out fast. The last thing he wanted is to have Ventus hear about him crying because of him.

Just as the blond began sitting down, Vanitas jumped up abruptly. The other flinched and looked up at him, confused. "What's wrong?" He asked.

Vanitas stared at the blond in front of him. Blue eyes stared back at him, the orbs swirling with confusion and a hint of irritation.

"If Ventus didn't want to meet me, he should've just told me," Vanitas grounded out, trying to stop his voice from shaking too badly. He winced, knowing he failed. He could hear the pain and sadness lacing his words himself.

"What? But-" Vanitas laughed. It didn't sound aggressive at all.

"You think I wouldn't recognize my best friend? Well, I don't know if I am his best friend anymore." Another hollow laugh. "You can stop pretending, Roxas."

Roxas stayed silent. He looked like he felt guilty. It only proved Vanitas was right.

Without another word, Vanitas swept out if the diner. His feet carried him back home, at first slowly, but they moved faster and faster and suddenly, he was running. Reaching his home in a frenzied hurry, he threw the door open, rushed in and slammed it shut again - startling Sora and his mother, who were in the living room, talking about something Vanitas didn't care about at that moment - and ran up to his room, repeating that process with his room door. He jumped on his bed and buried himself under countless blankets and pillows (he got cold really easily at night), not bothering to get changed. 

The thoughts and emotions still swirled in Vanitas's head, making him feel dizzy. He felt… betrayed. Angry. Sad. He had never felt this awful in his life. Yet, he knew if Ventus came into his room right now to hang out, he still wouldn't say no. It was desperation, but that way, maybe he could at least pretend that Ven liked him. The boy Ven mentioned he liked - Vanitas had hoped the entire time that Ventus had meant Vanitas but after today, it was clear he had meant someone else. Maybe he was even spending time with that person and that's why he had been so busy-

His phone did that stupid, shrill notification sound again. He couldn't deal with that now. Without thinking about any consequences, he picked the phone up and chucked it against the next wall. It crashed and stayed silent - silence at last. He knew he was going to regret this later, but that was for Future-Vanitas to worry about.

Groaning, Vanitas tried to bury himself even deeper under his covers, hoping they'd swallow him and all of those weird emotions alongside him whole. He tried to empty his thoughts, more and less successful as he just laid there for what felt like an eternity, cocooned in his blankets.

The sound of the door to his room opening drew him out of his haze and he growled at the intruder, shifting in his cocoon to use his eyes to glare at the door.

"It's me Vani- Woah! What happened to your phone?" Vanitas shuffled again, his entire face finally poking out of the mountain of blankets.

"What do you want, Sora?" Despite his annoyed and irritated voice, his little brother stepped closer, eyes glazed over with worry.

"Have you been crying?" He asked, almost tentatively. Vanitas blinked in confusion. Because he did not. Or at least, he didn't remember crying.

"No, I didn't. I just need some quality alone time, so if you'll excuse me," Vanitas bit out and proceeded to cover himself in his trusty hiding place again. He expected Sora to leave with a few nice words, but his little brother stepped closer, feet tapping over the bare ground of his room.

"What happened, Vani?" Vanitas growled again, but Sora was not deterred. "Your growling doesn't scare me," he said and Vanitas pushed a few layers aside to glare at him.

"Stop looking at me like that. I just wanna know what's wrong so I can help!"

With a heavy sigh, Vanitas turned his back to him. "You can't help me."

"I won't know that until I know what this is about!" This was so like Sora. Trying and trying and never giving up. Always wanting to make people feel better. Being radiant and kind and funny. Sometimes, Vanitas wondered how they grew up to be so different. If Sora was a ray of sunshine, Vanitas would probably compare to the shadow a trash can threw.

"Fine," he relented. Sora was stubborn about this - plus it's not like Vanitas could ever deny him ever (it was really starting to be a problem). "I was supposed to meet Ven after he didn't want to meet for this entire week. And I was really looking forward to seeing him again, but looks like he didn't want to see me at all because he sent Roxas to deal with me and thought I wouldn't notice."

Vanitas heard Sora gasp. "That's… that's awful! So mean!" Just imagining Sora's scandalized face made Vanitas smile a little.

"I'm gonna have a talk with Ven over this…! He'll pay for making my big brother cry!"

"I didn't cry!" Vanitas immediately shouted, making Sora laugh. 

He reached around to grab his little brother, his laughing turning into high pitched squeaking immediately and they wrestled on the bed. Eventually, Sora became a part of his blanket cocoon. He pulled his phone out to watch cat videos with Vanitas, pointedly turning the notifications off. Grateful for his little brother's effort to make him feel better, Vanitas relaxed and spent the rest of the day with his brother, snorting at the things the cats' actions.

\---

Sadly, his parents were not ready to pay him a new phone. Sora offered to do some odd jobs with him until he could buy a new one. Riku and Kairi were traveling somewhere and Sora knew that hanging out with Ventus or Roxas in Vanitas's presence right now was not an option, so he had nothing better to do anyway (or so he said. Vanitas knew in fact that Kairi was not traveling and that Sora could always hang out with Xion, Naminé or even Lea as well). They spent the rest of the break scraping some money together, combining their earnings, in the end, to buy Vanitas a new phone. 

"It's your early birthday present!" Sora had shouted and shoved the money at him, ignoring the fact Vanitas's birthday was in September and it was March right now. Usually, Vanitas wouldn't take it, but he was in desperate need of a new phone (it was the main thing he used to kill boredom), so he just noted to himself to buy Sora something extra expensive for his upcoming birthday.

School started way too soon again. Vanitas would have liked a few more weeks of break, especially because he needed to face Ven again. He'd seen the blond in hallways, looking for him. But Vanitas did his best to avoid him, which wasn't actually that hard, considering they had completely different schedules in school, with him being a sophomore and Ven being a freshman. He was content with watching him from afar, without any weird feelings of sadness and pain involved.

Apparently, Sora was also giving him the cold shoulder, which was surprising, but it also somehow warmed Vanitas's (nonexistent) heart. The rest of March passed without any Ven related incidents, Sora's birthday being celebrated with the twins missing - nobody commented on it, so Vanitas didn't either. Sora hit him weakly for getting him such an expensive gift, but Vanitas only shrugged him off (he continued working some odd jobs without Sora's knowledge). His little brother deserved it.

It was late April when Vanitas was confronted with Ven for the first time in months, Vanitas had stayed late after falling asleep in the library. Embarrassingly, he had to be woken up by the librarian.

So he was making his way out of school, which was completely empty at late afternoon, golden light streaming in from the windows. It was silent, peaceful and Vanitas thought about dinner when he heard a sudden crash, laughter and a scream, not in that order. His first thought was to just leave it be - it was none of his business after all - but for some reason, he followed the noises anyway.

He didn't really expect anything when he turned the corner. He thought he was going to see some bullies beating up some nerd kid and that he'd have to glare at the bullies so they let off and run for their life, but he hadn't expected them to beat up _that_ nerd kid and before he knew any better, he had punched one of the square across the jaw.

The other bullies gaped at him, clearly afraid. "What are you looking at?" Vanitas snarled and cracked his knuckles. The first one bolted. Thank God for his reputation. The next one started running when he took a step towards them. With a final glare, the last one helped his fallen comrade stand and ran as well.

Vanitas turned around. Ven looked awful. He looked tired like he hasn't been sleeping well and there were bruises all over his body. Deciding to skip the obvious "are you okay" he offered the blond a hand silently, which he took, gratefulness shining in his eyes. Vanitas helped him stand and they left the school without another word. It was a silent agreement that Vanitas was bringing Ven to the Hart's place - it was closer.

Honestly, Vanitas was prepared for an entire walk in silence, but-

"I'm sorry!" Ven blurted, right out of nowhere. Vanitas almost stopped. "I don't know what I did to upset you and Sora that much, but I'm really-"

"What do you mean you don't know?" Vanitas barked, maybe a little harsher than he should've. Ven flinched next to him.

"I really don't know…" Ven whispered.

"You," Vanitas gave Ven a pointed gaze, under which he seemed to shrink even further. "Avoided me all break claiming you're busy-" Ven's head snapped up at that. "And when you finally decided to meet with me you send Roxas instead! Like, you didn't want to see me that badly Ven? Just tell me next time!"

"I didn't avoid you!" Ven argued. Vanitas raised an eyebrow at that. 

"You messaged me that you were busy every time I told you I wanted to meet-"

"Over text message?" Ven asked and Vanitas nodded. This time, Ven raised an eyebrow.

"That's weird. I lost my phone a while ago." Huh. But then-

"Who's been messaging me this whole time then?" Vanitas asked, incredulous.

"I dunno," Ven shrugged. "The person who now has my phone I suppose."

"That's stupid," Vanitas said.

"I know," Ven answered with an eye roll. "But it's the truth. I asked Roxas to tell Sora so he can tell you, but I suppose that never reached you?"

"No…" Ven groaned. 

"So every time I asked Roxas to deliver some kind of message, about me being bored and free and wanting to meet-"

"It didn't reach," Vanitas finished for him.

"Oh my God," Ventus breathed out. "This is all a big misunderstanding. I got ignored by you and Sora because of a misunderstanding."

"It's a stupid misunderstanding. We could've just… talked."

"Yeah. It's pretty dumb. I shouldn't have believed Roxas when he told me that Sora told him that you're really busy and didn't have time to do anything."

"We're both dumb."

I'm sync, they started laughing. 

"Oh my God Vanitas we're so dumb!"

"I know! Oh my God. Sora is gonna be so pissed… actually, I'm pretty sure Sora legally cannot be mad." 

Ventus snorted. "We gotta make up for all this missed time! I missed talking to you," he said, poking Vanitas's side who looked at the very interesting ground.

"...I missed you too."

Vanitas could feel Ven's stare on him. And then Ven started laughing again and Vanitas instantly remembered why he loved the blond's bubbly laugh. God, he had missed him so bad.

\---

"What do you mean they never stopped?!"

Ventus winced across of him. If he did so because of the rough way Vanitas treated his wounds or because of the way he had shouted that out, Vanitas couldn't tell.

"You're telling me," Vanitas said, maybe applying disinfectant a little too roughly. "They've have continued to bully you for liking boys all this time," Ventus screeched as Vanitas slapped some ice on him. "And you didn't tell me?"

Ventus looked away, then nodded in an almost shy way. Vanitas sighed, slumping down next to him.

"Why?"

"I thought if I told you, you're gonna be angry at them, you know like you did today? And then you're gonna get into a fight with them and get into trouble and I didn't want that… I didn't want you to get into trouble because of me." Ventus whispered, staring at the ground. Vanitas wanted to whack his head but thought better of it.

"Some things are worth to get in trouble for," he said instead.

Ventus didn't answer with words, but his blue eyes finally found Vanitas's golden ones and for what felt like an eternity, they just stared into each other. Ven's eyes were bright as always, showing hints of gratefulness and also… happiness.

"You're so stupid Vanitas," Ven said and Vanitas laughed. 

"You're stupid. You should have told someone." Ven also started laughing but winced immediately. He still had enough strength to slap Vanitas's fretting hands away.

"Well, now it's no use anymore. Now you just need to tell them _'if you even touch a hair on my head Vanitas will kill you'_ and they'll run," Vanitas drawled, making Ven groan.

"You won't actually kill them, right?" Ven asked with a raised eyebrow, but Vanitas just smirked.

"What if I told you I would," he cooed. "I'd kill anyone for you Ven-"

Ven pushing him surprised him. He fell over and hit his head. A little dizzy, Vanitas sat up, holding his head with a groan.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry! Are you okay?" Ven exclaimed in a worried tone. Vanitas nodded his head, but not before the dizziness wore off. 

"I deserved that, don't worry," he groaned.

They both burst out laughing after a second of silence. Ventus started to tear up, if it was because of how funny that situation was or because laughing still somehow hurt him, Vanitas couldn't tell.

"I'm so glad it was just a stupid misunderstanding and we don't actually hate each other," Ven sighed, wiping a year away.

"Yeah. Me too," Vanitas answered truthfully.

"Vani! Ven! Mom got the snacks ready!" A voice called from downstairs. 

"We're coming!" Vanitas shouted back and then turned to Ven, extending his hand once again. "We better hurry or Sora is gonna eat it all."

Ven snickered and took the hand. "Sora's stomach is an endless pit."

Together, they made their way downstairs. At first, Sora has been reluctant towards Ventus, but he had apologized profusely once they had explained to him what had really happened - though Sora was confused. No message from Roxas had ever reached him. He even showed them their chat log, which was surprisingly empty for a social person like Sora ("Roxas barely responds to messages," Sora had explained. "So I mostly call him.")

Vanitas wasn't stupid. He knew that Roxas was the one who had Ventus's phone and had acted as some kind of disturbance between them, though he couldn't fathom why no matter what. He also decided to not snitch on Roxas. Ventus was going to have a talk with his twin regardless and it wasn't that hard to figure out. Plus, he felt like he'd be intruding on the twins' business. So he left it to Ven to sort that business out.

\---

The bullies didn't even dare to look in Ven's direction. Vanitas felt a little like a bully himself. The teachers appeared to have not heard about the incident or chose to ignore it. Vanitas was kind of glad about that because while he did say he'd gladly get in trouble for Ven, he actually wanted to avoid trouble as much as possible. Just for his parents' sake.

Ven and he were pretty much attached at the hip at this point. They spent every bit of free time they had, be it at school or after school, together. Half of Ven's games where now at the Hart's home, Vanitas still yet having to visit Ven's home (honestly, Vanitas was glad, he didn't know how to face Roxas).

There were some days where Ven was busy - he did have other friends like Aqua and Terra, who Vanitas may have treated a little disrespectful so they may or may not hate him - and didn't have the time to hang out with Vanitas.

It was such a day when Vanitas came home, without any plans on what to do. He regretted having so many multiplayer-only games, but they were pretty fun with Sora and Ven. Doing something for school was out of the question, so he supposed he'll ask Sora if he wanted to do something together.

Tossing his shoes somewhere near the entrance, he entered the house, not suspecting to be faced with a blond, dressed in awfully proper clothes, a childish looking backpack slung over his back and a very familiar phone clutched in his hands-

"You still running around pretending to be Ventus?" Vanitas asked with a raised eyebrow. Roxas glared at the ground.

"I thought Ven would sort this out himself, but it seems like I was wrong." Vanitas opened his palm and extended his arm to the blond in front of him, demanding. "Give me Ven's phone, now. I'll return it to him."

Roxas looked like he wanted to protest. Whatever he wanted to spit out, however, was swallowed and he pressed the phone into Vanitas's awaiting hands, running away with his head down and teeth clenched. As soon as Vanitas heard the from door slam shut, he let out a sigh. He should return this phone to Ven asap, who had been spending all the time after spring break without a phone. But he also knew Ven was busy, so the next best time he could return it was tomorrow at school. Which was good enough, he supposed.

Steadily climbing the stairs, he relinquished in the silence of his home- no wait. Something was wrong.

His feet had carried him to Sora's room before he knew it, not a sound escaping the younger's room - Vanitas was pretty sure Sora couldn't stay that silent even if he tried, so something must've happened. He entered his brother's room.

It felt like that day where he thought Ven had ditched him was mirrored - this time it was Sora who was buried deep in blankets (Vanitas suspected some of them were actually his but he felt like this wasn't the right moment to call his brother out). 

"Sor," he called out as softly as he could. Sora shifted beneath all the blankets to look at him. His eyes were red-rimmed and his face pale. He looked like he was going to be sick. "What happened? Do you want to tell me about it?"

Sora shuffled again. While Vanitas had tried to get his brother out of the room back then, Sora patted the space next to him, inviting his brother to join his blanket fort. Vanitas sat down on the spot Sora had patted without a thought and soon felt himself wrapped in blankets and pillows as well.

"So? What happened?" Vanitas asked again, softly. Sora didn't respond at first and hugged him tightly, Vanitas hugging him back and using his hands to softly rub his brother's back. He felt dampness at his shoulder and instantly knew that Sora was crying. Patiently, he waited for his brother to speak, keeping the back rubs up.

"Don't destroy him ok?" Sora asked softly and Vanitas sighed. Even though he obviously was in pain, he cared about the other guy as well.

"Sure," Vanitas answered but Sora made him pinky swear on it too. That lucky bastard, Vanitas mused.

"I.. went to the beach with Riku," Sora said, voice shaky. Vanitas never liked that Riku kid. He should've beaten him up before the pinky swear. "And … y-you remember when you said you liked guys? Well, I do. As well, I mean. I've known for a long time. I liked Riku for so long…"

Vanitas would outright lie if he told Sora he never noticed. But he decided to humor his brother, waiting for him to continue. 

"A-and, I really thought he liked me too. So I told him how I feel. But he didn't feel the same way," Sora finished and oh, how Vanitas wished he hadn't done the pinky swear. He wanted to beat that guy up so badly. Because how dare he hurt Sora's feelings like this-

"I know what you're thinking Vani," Sora interrupted his thoughts. "But you promised!"

Vanitas sighed. "I know! I won't destroy him! But maybe I can threaten him a little-"

"No!" Sora said and his voice had a sense of finality Vanitas knew he couldn't protest against.

"...fine. I'll ignore him in the most aggressive way possible." Sora actually cracked a smile at his words. It made Vanitas feel glad.

"So? Are we gonna do the usual or what?" Vanitas asked and Sora nodded, almost eagerly. They watched cat videos for the rest of the day.

\---

Suddenly, Vanitas was a junior. He has spent an unhealthy amount of time with Ven in the summer break, to the point where Ven almost lived with them for it (he had joking called it vacation at Vanitas's). There was no trace of Roxas but according to his twin, he had gone on an ice cream eating spree with Lea and Xion (and sometimes Naminé). When Vanitas had returned the phone, he had also told Ventus who had it. What Ven had done with that information be didn't know but Ventus and Roxas didn't seem to be mad at each other, so Vanitas supposed they agreed to forget about it.

Sora stayed away from Riku (Vanitas approved) and mostly hung out with Ven and him, sometimes Roxas and his crew and rarely Kairi.

School started and was as boring as ever. Even though Vanitas never did anything for school, he still had decent grades. Whenever Sora needed help with something, Vanitas tried to explain it to him, but because everything came so naturally to him, he couldn't comprehend how Sora didn't understand and lost patience quickly. Luckily, Ven was still a total nerd and able to help Sora out.

He didn't even remember how, but he also started doing driving lessons a week and a half after the junior year started. He faintly remembered Ven mentioning that it was "so cool" and that he loved cars and suddenly, Vanitas sat in a lesson. Yeah, so what if he wanted to impress Ven. Driving us a useful skill and he'll need it sooner or later.

Vanitas felt like he was okay like this, hanging out with Ven as often as they could as friends, best friends and nothing more. His feelings of affection for the blond had never stopped, no. The more time he spent with the blond, the more those feelings had grown. And considering how much time he had spent with the blond, those had grown a lot.

He did want Ven to be more than a best friend. He wanted Ven to be his boyfriend or lover, or whatever. But he did see what happened to Sora and Riku. They also had been best friends. After Sora confessed his feelings to the other, however, they avoided each other and could barely even be called friends anymore. If that happened with Ven and him, Vanitas would be devastated.

So yeah, he wanted Ven to be his boyfriend. But he also loved being Ven's friend and spending time with him. Should he risk being greedy, asking for more and maybe losing everything? 

There were many times where he was close, so so close to confessing it all. When Ven was sitting next to him, talking in his always cheerful and excited voice, smiling, laughing- Vanitas felt like his heart stopped every goddamn time. He wanted to lean in and hold Ven close and press his lips against his but Sora's situation was a painful reminder. Nothing guaranteed he was the boy Ventus talked about. It could be anyone. God, what if it was Riku? Then Vanitas would have two big reasons he'd like to punch the silver-haired male but couldn't because of that pinky swear-

Vanitas kept all of his feelings in, even though he felt he might explode. He was ok with being just friends with Ven. Any time spent with Ven was precious to him. Be it as friends or as lovers. He kept drilling those things in his head to start believing them. And he thought he did a pretty good job.

Maybe a little too good. "Don't you like being my friend anymore?" Ventus asked when they failed to clear the game's co-op challenge once again. Vanitas's attention swayed from the game to his friend, eyes widening slightly.

"What…? No, Ven, what gave you that idea?"

Ven put the controller down. Vanitas mirrored his actions, turning his body so his whole attention was on the blond. Ven sighed.

"It's just… even though we hang out all day, you've been so distant. You don't look me in the eyes when we talk, you avoid all physical contact with me and we don't talk about things like we used to do! All we talk about nowadays is Sora, school and the weather!" 

Vanitas looked away from Ven's face - and instantly knew how right the blond was. Here he was, avoiding his eyes again. 

"Vanitas, tell me the truth. What is it you're hiding from me so you can't even look me in the eyes?" Ven looked so sad, so hurt. And it was because of Vanitas. Wasn't he the one who said Ven deserved all the happiness in the world?

"Ven…"

Ven shook his head. "I want the truth and nothing but the truth. No more excuses. Look me right into the eyes Vanitas."

Hesitantly, Vanitas lifted his eyes and they met Ven's striking blue ones, so full of honesty, doubt, and a hint of despair.

Vanitas was a good liar. A good actor. It somehow ran in the family, with his parents being known for once being in a traveling actor group before they fell in love, married and settled down. Sometimes, they still performed plays for the neighborhood (featuring mostly Sora, which also made him at least a decent actor and sometimes a begrudging Vanitas). Yet, he couldn't bring himself to lie to Ven, especially not while looking into those blue eyes, as he demanded.

"I'm… sorry. You're right. I've been hiding something. I've been scared to tell you. Because I thought it might ruin our friendship,' Vanitas admitted, watching Ven's eyes widen.

The blond shifted closer, taking each of Vanitas's hands in one of his own. Vanitas had not touched Ven for what felt like a decade, so the warmth of his body had almost been forgotten. The contact burned and took all the air in Vanitas's lungs away, yet he clutched the hands as his life depended on it. The words were stuck in his throat and he opened and closed his mouth uselessly, no sounds escaping.

"Hey Vanitas," Ven said softly. His thumbs rubbed soft circles over the raven-haired boy's hands to try and calm the other down. Vanitas's hands didn't stop clutching the others' but they did relax a little. "You remember when I was scared of the same thing? Of ruining our friendship if I told you?" Vaguely, Vanitas was able to recall the day he had freed Ven from the locker. Yeah… Ven had voiced similar concerns then, didn't he?

"Do you remember what you said back then?" Ven asked. At Vanitas's silence, he continued speaking. "You said _'Ven you're my friend. That won't change, no matter what. I don't think you did anything I can hate you for. I don't think it's possible for you to.'_" Ven said it with such fondness, Vanitas almost blushed. It sounded way cheesier than he remembered.

"This is different," Vanitas whispered but Ven shook his head. 

"How is it different?"

"I've seen it," Vanitas murmured. "I've seen it completely ruin friendships."

"I've seen sexuality ruin friendships as well," Ven said. "Remember Hayner, Pence, and Olette? The ones who were best friends with Rox? They're also not friends anymore. Because Rox came out. So, what's the difference, Vanitas?"

It took one last glance from Ven's sea-blue eyes, almost begging him to speak. And Vanitas's walls broke down.

"I'm… in love with you," Vanitas said. "I have been for months. Ever since you have me that snow globe for Christmas," Vanitas pointed at the globe on his shelf with his head. "I've been slowly falling for you. And before I knew it, I've been gone. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to hold your hand. I wanted… to be with you."

A shaky laugh. Ven looked at him in wonder, eyes flicking to the snow globe and back to him. Vanitas couldn't blame him. "You've seen it too. How Sora and Riku fell apart after Sora told him about his feelings. I didn't want this to happen. So I kept quiet about it."

Vanitas grew more and more nervous at Ven's lack of response. God, he knew this was going to happen. He was going to lose Ven. "Look, Ven, I know this is awkward and all," Ven's hands left his, leaving a cold and dreadful feeling behind. "But we can forget this ever happened. I… I can hold this in. I can get over this. We can stay friends like nothing ever happened."

He reached for the blond, but stopped once he felt a warm hand on his cheek, wiping tears away he didn't even know were running. Ven's other hand cupped his other cheek and suddenly, he was close. So, so close.

Vanitas's hands awkwardly stayed in the air as Ven leaned in and softly pressed his lips against Vanitas's. Vanitas didn't even have time to react before Ven pulled away again, a soft smile grazing his lips and eyes burning into Vanitas's. His cheeks were slightly flushed, but he looked so happy.

Vanitas might combust on the spot.

"What if I told you," Ven whispered, nuzzling their foreheads together. Vanitas felt his breath ghosting over his lips. "That I want to kiss you and hold your hand as well? That I want to be with you as well? That I… love you as well?"

"This is a dream," Vanitas muttered. Ven chuckled and one of his hands found its way over to Vanitas's neck, slowly moving to the raven-colored hair. 

"Mine or yours?" Ven asked, pulling Vanitas closer again. The second kiss was longer. With Vanitas registering what was happening (despite his heart beating out of his chest) he was able to return it, one hand moving through Ven's hair while the other one rested on his back. They parted for air and immediately closed in for a third kiss.

Vanitas was able to feel Ventus's warmth. His lips on his own. This didn't feel like a dream.

"I love you, Vani… c-can I call you that? I've only ever heard Sora call you that…"

Vanitas blushed. "You can… you didn't need to be my boyfriend to call me that. You could've called me that when we were still friends as well."

Ventus laughed, bright, angelic. His eyes shimmered. His little crooked teeth shone. "Boyfriends. I like the sound of that."

Vanitas smiled at him and pulled him close, continuing to brush through the wild blond hair. Ventus sighed as he rested his head against the shoulder of his lover, seemingly content. "Soooo… what now?" Ven murmured.

"I dunno. We just spend time together, do things we like and stuff I guess," Vanitas answered, holding back a shrug to not disturb the blond's resting.

"It's not that different from before then," Ven pointed out, and Vanitas chuckled.

"Yep. Only that I can do this," he pecked Ven's forehead, making him laugh. "Now that we're boyfriends."

"That does sound nice," Ven commented. Vanitas didn't need any words to make Ven understand he agreed. They stayed like that for hours, silently enjoying each other's company with the game over music running from the game they had abandoned.

\---

Honestly, telling Sora secrets was a bad idea. Vanitas only wanted to gush a little, get his overflowing feelings out - and the next day everyone knew. And with everyone Vanitas meant _absolutely everyone_.

He apologized to Ven, but the blond didn't seem to mind. In fact, because they didn't need to hide anything as everyone knew, Ven cuddled him during school breaks as well (which Vanitas liked too much to protest) though they kept kissing and flirting to a minimum. Vanitas was also a bit worried about Ven's bullies making a resurface, but it seemed like Vanitas scared them (and everyone else who didn't approve of a gay relationship) enough for it to stay silent.

It seemed to aggravate Roxas to see them together - Vanitas blamed brother instincts in that one - and whenever they did something like cuddling or whispering to each other, Roxas deemed it as appropriate to squash himself right between them. It annoyed Ventus to no end while Vanitas took it with a grain of salt - he just knew he'd react the same way should Sora ever get a lover.

"My parents want to meet you," Ven said while they walked home from school, the late summer sun mercilessly burning down on them. It made Vanitas realize that he'd never even been at Ven's. Ven had always been at Vanitas's.

"Sure. I'm gonna try to do a good impression." A chuckle. "Maybe I should borrow some of Sora's stuff."

Ven rolled his eyes. "Just be yourself and it's fine."

Unbelieving, Vanitas pointed to his outfit and then looked at Ven with a raised eyebrow. Ven groaned. "Ok, maybe you do need something from Sora."

"Figured," Vanitas laughed. "Roxas will be there too right? Should I be worried?"

"He won't kill you in the presence of our parents," Ven shrugged.

"Reassuring."

So there he was at a Friday evening, dressed in some of Sora's nicer clothes (Sora had grown a lot and was suddenly Vanitas's size. His entire wardrobe had been emptied). Awkwardly holding some flowers and fancy chocolate (his mother said it was mandatory), he rang the doorbell and waited. Maybe he was a little nervous, so what. He had heard frightening things about the twins' parents. Well to be fair, he didn't believe half of it because Lea told him those things, but he did believe stories from Naminé and Xion. Apparently, the twins' parents were strict and protective - not usually the traits Vanitas got along well with, but he was willing to try for Ven.

The door opened and Ven shushed him in, laughing at his presents and outfit. Making Vanitas flush in deep red. "You look like you want to ask my parents if you can marry me," Ven joked pushing him into the dining room.

"Maybe I am," Vanitas fired back, but Ventus only laughed harder.

"Good luck with that, champ!" He took the flowers and chocolate away to put them on the table in the adjacent living room, Vanitas standing awkwardly there where Ven left him, not sure what to do.

"Ugh," a familiar voice called behind him and three he was, Roxas in all of his casual glory. Despite his crude way to say hello, he was actually smiling at Vanitas, seemingly happy to see him. His expression soured immediately when Ventus hugged Vanitas from behind however and he quickly turned away and stalked over to one of the seats on the already set table, sitting down and staring at his plate in disdain.

If only Vanitas could make sense of Roxas.

"C'mon sit down, Vani!" Ventus urged him and Vanitas sat down on one of the chairs, regretting not choosing the one in the corner where probably only Ven could sit next to him. Well…

"I'll get mom and dad!" Ven called, probably more to Roxas than to Vanitas. His twin was not listening however, phone in his hand and irritated glance still on his face.

Vanitas spent the last few minutes of silence before the storm panicking at how he should behave, because… well. He was actually a rude and aggressive person and he was only as soft as cotton around Ven and Sora. Ventus told him to be himself but was that really such a good idea?

"Hello," a new female voice greeted and Vanitas decided he wanted to be a polite young man. So he stood up. 

"Hello, ma'am. Thank you for having me." He could hear Roxas snorting but all he watched was the reaction of Ven's mother.

"My, so polite. I've heard a lot of things from my boys about you," the woman smiled at him and Vanitas chalked it up as a success.

"Only good things I hope," Vanitas said, quickly realizing he went down the typical conversation of someone who met his significant other's parents in Love-Comedy movies. Cliche. 

Roxas was really trying hard not to burst out laughing.

"Actually, those were mostly bad things, how you're always getting into fights and all that" Mrs. Wayward mused. Vanitas was this close to bolting right then and there, but then Mrs. Wayward smiled again and he realized that he was being teased. 

Was this also cliche? Vanitas didn't watch enough Romance-Comedy movies to know.

"Mom, stop bullying Vani!" Ven called as he rumbled down the stairs, a tall blond man following. 

"I think he deserves to be bullied at least a little," Mr. Wind mused. "He dating our son after all."

Did that make sense? Vanitas thought it made sense.

"Now, sit down again," Mrs. Wayward told Vanitas with a smile. He did as she asked of him, Ventus sitting down next to him.

The food was delicious. Vanitas did his best to not shovel into himself everything as he did at home, trying to at least pretend he had some manners. He answered questions as truthfully as he could without incriminating himself, dodging around and not daring to lie.

He used to think he was a good actor, but everything about Ven made him a wreck.

"Vanitas," Mr. Wind called and Vanitas looked up from his plate, forcing a friendly smile on his face (mandatory, his mother had said).

"Yes, sir?"

"You can stop pretending to be a polite and proper boy. Ventus told us everything about you."

Vanitas honestly didn't know how to answer that. He just stared at Mr. Wind, eyes wide, lips slightly parted.

"But the effort you invested in pretending is remarkable. It shows how much you care about our son." His wife nodded along with his words, smiling at Vanitas. Mr. Wind turned to Ven. "I approve of this boy Ventus."

Ven jabbed an elbow at his boyfriend. Completely stuck in his haze, Vanitas, who did not see it coming at all and had his guard completely down, doubled over and let out a (manly) shriek from the pain.

The members of the Wayward-Wind family laughed at that and Vanitas couldn't help but flush as he caught himself and stammered out thanks.

"He's a sweet boy with a rough shell, just like you said Ven," Mrs. Wayward cooed, making not only Vanitas blush even harder, but Ven turned red next to him as well.

"I'm done eating," Roxas murmured from across of them, picking up his half-empty plate to carry it into the kitchen. Without another word, he walked up the stairs and disappeared from their sight.

Ignoring the awkward silence, Mrs. Wayward clapped her hands, turning back towards Vanitas. "Now tell me, how did the two of you meet?" She asked, very curious.

"Mom…" Ven groaned but his mother shook her head. 

"You never tell us anything about your friends, Ven, and they never visit you here as well. You always visit their places, so you can't blame me for wanting to know!" His mother replied in a snippy tone.

"That's because you chased Lea out with a fork that one time! Everyone was scared of you!"

Whoops. So that had been a true story. Though Lea had probably been exaggerating by calling her face the face of a demon.

"He was trying to set our house on fire!"

"He was trying to roast marshmallows in the backyard!"

Yeah, that sounded like Lea alright. "For Lea, setting a house on fire is the same as the roasting marshmallows," Vanitas mumbled before he even knew what he was saying, quickly sitting upright again looking at the other people sitting in a slight panic.

"See, see?" Mrs. Wayward shouted. "Vanitas agrees with me. I don't mind the girls and Terra, but if I see that Lea again-"

"Vani!" Ven shouted at the same time. "You're supposed to be on my side!"

Well… looks like he could be blunt without being kicked out of the house immediately.

"It's the truth, Ven," Vanitas drawled, a little more confident now. "I wouldn't let Lea near my house as well."

Ven grumbled. "Well then go ahead and tell my mom how we met, Vani."

So this was his way of revenge.

"Yes! I nearly forgot. Please do tell, Vanitas," Mrs. Wayward said, her attention shifting from Ventus to Vanitas immediately.

"Yeah, Vani. Do tell," Ven piped up next to him.

Vanitas contemplated what he should say. He should probably just tell the truth. Just because they seemed to not mind his bluntness and accepted him as Ventus's boyfriend, it didn't mean he couldn't fuck up anymore.

"I'm actually Sora's older brother, so we met through Sora. We, uh, didn't interact that much. For a long time, he was just my little brother's friend. That changed last Christmas. Even though we exchanged maybe two words or something, Ven made me a great Christmas present." Vanitas smiled fondly at the memory. "I love that snow globe. It was such a beautiful present. And then… I just started to pay more attention to Ven, we became great friends and now we're lovers."

Mrs. Wayward cooed at his story while Ven blushed deeply, his eyes flicking up the stairs multiple times. Vanitas wanted to ask him what was wrong but suddenly his phone rang.

"Oh, uh…" Mrs. Wayward waved him off.

"Pick it up, we don't mind." Vanitas gave her a quick but still, a little forced smile and stood up, went into the adjacent room and picked up his phone.

"What."

_"Vani! Are you coming home soon?"_ Ah, it was Sora. A glance at his phone clock showed him that it was a little past 10 pm, way later than he had expected. 

"Yeah. Just let me say goodbye to them." Giggling from the other end.

_"Judging by how you're still there I'd say you passed Ven's dad! Tell me all about it later,"_ Sora said, sounding very happy. He seemed very happy with their relationship in general. 

"Yeah, I will. Bye." After another bubbly goodbye from Sora, he hung up and made his way back to the dining room, to his surprise the empty plates and silverware already taken away and the table cleaned, both Ventus and Mrs. Wayward missing from their seats. Soft clinking sounds could be heard from the kitchen, implying they had started to do the dishes.

"Oh," Vanitas breathed out. Immediately, Mr. Wind looked at him.

"Don't worry about it. You're a guest after all."

Vanitas didn't know what to do so he just stood awkwardly, waiting for Ven and his mother to emerge from the kitchen again.

"Take care of Ventus, alright?" Mr. Wind suddenly said, making Vanitas jump slightly, before he looked at Ventus's father with wide eyes. Mr. Wind wasn't looking at him and seemed to be focusing on his phone, but Vanitas knew what he heard.

"I will." The small smile tugging on Mr. Wind's lips confirmed it.

Just a short moment later, Ven and Mrs. Wayward came out of the kitchen, bantering about something that sounded suspiciously like it was about Lea.

"Oh, Vanitas! Have you been standing this entire time? Sit down, sit down!" Mrs. Wayward called, but Vanitas shook his head.

"I was just about to leave, actually. My brother called me," he said, waving his phone around.

"Oh, what a shame. Please, come again anytime you like!" Ventus groaned once again. 

Vanitas said his goodbyes and shouted one more up at Roxas for good measure. He returned home in a good mood, even though it was close midnight and dark outside. Vanitas did not feat the dark.

Sora already awaited him, bouncing up and down. "Sooo? Did Ven's father give you the shovel talk?" He asked, way too excited.

"Nope," Vanitas answered while slipping his shoes and jacket off. "But he did call me out one time."

"On what?" They raced up the stairs to Vanitas's room without any word, collapsing on his bed together.

"Apparently, Ven told them all there was to know about me, so me acting like a good kid was completely for naught. He called me out on pretending." Sora laughed.

"Was it scary?" He asked, eyes twinkling with mischief. 

Vanitas rolled his eyes. "A little," he then admitted. "But he told Ventus he approved of me so I guess it worked out."

"Ventus's dad likes you?" Sora exclaimed in surprise, maybe a bit too loud considering it was nearly midnight. "He doesn't even like Naminé! He doesn't like Kairi! He doesn't like _me_!"

Vanitas chuckled and shrugged. "I dunno, maybe bad boys remind him of his youthful years."

Sora snorted. "You just referred to yourself as a _bad boy_."

"Shut up," Vanitas chuckled and hit his brother lightly. Sora gasped in fake pain and let his body drop on the bed, dramatically whisper screaming and closing his eyes.

"Oh no," Vanitas decided to play along. "What have I done? I just wanted you to stop speaking, not silence you forever! My dearest brother forgive me!" He pretended to sob and buried his face in his hands. 

Sora laughed and hit Vanitas with his foot. "You should perform with Mom, Dad and I more often! You're really good!"

"I don't trust your judgment, Sora," Vanitas responded lightly, making his brother pout.

"I'm so glad it worked out for you, though," Sora said with a bright smile and Vanitas smiled back without really trying. He never needed to force a smile around Sora.

"Me too," he sighed. He closed his eyes. Next to him, Sora was breathing.


	2. and

His visits to the Wayward-Wind household became a regular thing. Every Friday evening he ate with Ven, Roxas, Mr. Wind, and Mrs. Wayward, becoming more comfortable and close with them. Well except for Roxas. Roxas always left dinner earlier, before they started talking. Of course, the other family members have picked up on his behavior and have tried to make him stay several times, unsuccessful.

Vanitas supposed Roxas still resented him for the phone incident - though Vanitas still couldn't quite comprehend why Roxas had done that in the first place. 

On Christmas Eve, they invited Vanitas to celebrate with them. Even though he was hesitant at first, both his parents and Sora pushed him to spend time with his boyfriend's family, so he relented in the end.

That's what brought him to Ven's door on a cold night after driving there with his freshly acquired driver's license (his parents gifted him a car when he passed the test, full of pride. Vanitas thought they overdid it with that). Even though Ven's parents accepted him how he was, he still kept borrowing things from Sora. Honestly, they pretty much shared a wardrobe right now. 

Vanitas rang the doorbell and immediately, the door swung open and Ventus ushered him in with a smile.

"Vani! You're finally here!" Ven called and immediately went to hug him, Vanitas returning his hug, grinning.

"Hi Ven," he said, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's temple. Ven chuckled and took his hand, leading him into the decorated living room. The Christmas tree was in the corner of the room was decorated with ornaments in all colors and topped with a golden star. On its feet several presents laid, Vanitas putting his own share of presents under the tree. "Hello, Roxas." The blond on the couch gave him a hum of recognition.

"Where are your parents?" Vanitas asked, suddenly noticing the lack of the presence of them in the house. 

"They were getting some extra food. Because someone wanted to help cooking and put too much salt into everything," Ventus explained, raising an eyebrow at Roxas. His brother just glared at him. "I hope you don't mind."

"I don't. I'm just happy to be spending time with you." Ven smiled at Vanitas. "And I get awesome presents from you as well, so," Vanitas smirked, making Ven hit him lightly.

"I should've known you're only here for the presents," Ven teased him.

"That's because I know your presents are the best, they're from you after all," Vanitas responded softly. Ventus looked at him with curious and big eyes but didn't respond to Vanitas's comment.

The shrill tone of the doorbell made them jolt apart. "That must be our parents. I'm gonna get the door," Ventus said, yet Vanitas let go of his hand reluctantly. "I'll be right back," Ventus said as if sensing his feelings.

He left with fast steps, leaving Vanitas alone in the living room with Roxas. Well, this just was the awkward situation he wanted to avoid. Maybe he should just stay silent and lean against the wall like he always did in school before Ven kept approaching him. It never bothered him before-

"Why?" Roxas mumbled. Vanitas turned to him in surprise. He hadn't expected him to speak up. Suddenly Roxas stood up and walked over to him. Involuntary, Vanitas took a step back. Roxas wouldn't start a fight… right?

"Why do you love Ven?" Not quite the question Vanitas expected. But maybe he should have seen it coming. Maybe Roxas just disliked him because he worried about Ventus. Yeah, that was it-

"What does he have what I don't?" Ok, Vanitas's confusion was growing. He didn't know what to say so he just stared at the blond approaching him, dumbfounded.

Roxas stopped when he stood in front of him, looking up to meet Vanitas's golden eyes with his own sea-blue ones, wide with despair and sadness. They stayed just like that for what felt like an eternity, Vanitas's mind desperately trying to make sense of this situation - but Roxas suddenly grabbed his collar to pull him down. Vanitas instinctively jerked back at his touch, but Roxas was surprisingly strong - far stronger than Ventus. Vanitas was way too surprised by these turns of events to react to anything that happened. His mind hadn't caught up yet. 

His eyes widened when he felt Roxas's lips on his own. Immediately, he pushed the blond away, but Roxas's hands were clutching Vanitas's clothes as if his life depended on it. "I love you, Vanitas!" Roxas shouted, his expression showing his desperation. Vanitas had never seen him with his face contorted like this. "I'm so sick of seeing you together all the time! I have been loving you for far longer than Ventus has! So why, why did you choose him?"

"L-look, Roxas-" Vanitas tried to say, but Roxas leaned in for another kiss. This time, Vanitas knew what was going on and immediately pushed the blond away, his superior strength prevailing. He pried Roxas's hands off his collar and took a step back. 

Roxas stared at him, eyes unbelieving. He looked- "W-why him? Why not me?" _Heartbroken._

Before Vanitas could answer, someone wedged themselves between them. "Back off Roxas!" Ventus shouted. "Can't you see how uncomfortable you're making him? He doesn't like you that way!" 

Immediately, Roxas's expression morphed to fury, his eyes blazing as he glared at his twin. "I don't need your input Ventus! I love him just as much as you do! You know that!" For a second, Ventus looked almost ashamed. "You knew and yet… and yet!"

Ventus caught himself. For a moment, Vanitas could have sworn there was a mirror - the twins glared at each other with a face contorted in such rage and fury, they looked almost identical. Almost. 

"You have everything, Roxas!" Ventus screamed, pointing at his twin. "You always had everything! Just this once, I want Vani to be mine! Mine! Not yours!"

It happened in a flash. Vanitas didn't even realize it happened until he caught Ventus after he stumbled back. Ven was holding his cheek, staring at his brother in disbelief. Roxas just stood there with both of his fist balled, breathing heavily. There wasn't an ounce of regret in his eyes. He hit Ventus. He hit him right in the face.

Ventus screamed. Like a wild animal, he pushed himself out of Vanitas's hands and lunged at his twin, using his balled fist to hit Roxas back. "Wait hey…!" Vanitas called. But by then, the twins were not listening to him anymore. Repeatedly punching each other. Screaming and shouting curses and names at each other. A tangled mess on the living room floor.

"Stop!" Vanitas reached for one of the limbs and pulled the twin away from the other. Looks like he caught Ventus's arm. "Stop it! Ven, you're better than this!"

"Let go of me Vani!" Aggressively, Ven pulled his arm away from Vanitas's grasp and pushed him back with his now freed hand. Surprised by the turn of events, once again Vanitas did not have time to react - he stumbled backward, his arms flailing helplessly. There was something on the ground Vanitas couldn't identify at that moment, but he tripped over it and suddenly he was falling. The last thing he saw was Roxas's horrified expression, then pain exploded in his head and he closed his eyes.

\---

Long story short, when Ven pushed him, he tripped over the small step separating dining and living room and hit his head on the table edge. He was in the hospital for all of the Christmas days, much to Sora's dismay. It seemed he didn't have any serious injuries, they just wanted him to stay under observation for a few days, just in case. So Vanitas left the hospital three days after the incident in his father's car.

Apparently, after he lost consciousness, Mr. Wind and Mrs. Wayward had rushed into the house, horrified at the scene at hand. Immediately they had called an ambulance after Vanitas didn't regain consciousness. Vanitas had no info on what happened after that if the twins were still arguing if they were hurt badly, nothing. They didn't visit him at all in hospital as well (but Sora did, almost every time he could visit he was there).

In a somewhat sour mood, Vanitas arrived at home and was ready to just lay in bed for the rest of the day doing nothing, but he was tackled into a hug by familiar, sobbing blond.

"I'm sorry Vani! I'm sorry!" Ven wailed, clutching onto him. Vanitas, not sure what to do, rubbed his back soothingly as he'd usually do with Sora.

"It's alright Ven. I wasn't hurt badly." Ven shook his head.

"But you were still hurt! Because of me…!" Vanitas sighed and moved one of his hands towards Ven's cheek, wiping the tears away.

"Did you do it on purpose?" He asked in a whisper. Frantically, Ventus shook his head. "Then it's not your fault. Look, accidents happen right?" 

Ventus nodded. His body stopped shaking and he relaxed a little. "I'm sorry," he whispered one more time.

"It's alright." Vanitas led Ventus upstairs, signaling Sora, who was waiting behind Ven all this time, that they were going to talk later with his head. Sora understood him immediately and nodded.

They reached Vanitas's room and sat down in the ground, Ven wiping his last remaining tears from his face while Vanitas closed the door. "Do you need a tissue?" Vanitas asked and Ven shook his head. Sighing, Vanitas plopped down next to him, grasping the other's hand. He missed the warmth of Ven's body.

"They didn't let me visit," Ven blurted out. Vanitas looked up to meet his eyes, confused. "Our parents. I wanted to spend time with you, honest!"

"It's alright Ven. We can spend time together now, right?" Nodding, Ven smiled at him and leaned closer for a kiss, one that Vanitas happy returned. 

"I didn't want to unpack our presents for each other without you," Ven said and began shuffling through the little bag he brought along. His eyes lit up and he pulled out two presents, Vanitas recognizing one of them to be the gift he prepared for Ven. "Let's unpack them together!"

Vanitas smiled at Ven's childlike glee. He took the present from Ven's hands and tore through the wrapping (gently) and opening the box. Inside it was a silver keychain, it's jagged lines forming a heart on a chain. Vanitas touched it in wonder, running his fingers over the smooth surface.

"Do you like it?" Ven asked, voice shaking as if he was nervous. Vanitas smiled at him.

"It's beautiful Ven." Ventus smiled back at him, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. Why Vanitas didn't know.

\---

Vanitas attached the keychain to his phone cover. It was difficult to sneak it out during lessons now because the chain rattled but he always had his phone with him, so the keychain was always with him as well.

So what if it was cheesy. Vanitas was ready to admit Ven had him wrapped around his little finger. Even more so than Sora had. He'd do anything for his little brother, but if Ven insisted on him to spend time with him on a day he promised to spend time with Sora, he'd ditch Sora in a heartbeat. And it scared Vanitas. That someone had that much control over him. Of course, those thoughts were always forgotten when he spent time with Ven. He simply loved the blond. He couldn't even imagine a life without him at this point.

The new year was celebrated with Sora and Ven - while Ventus's parents didn't disapprove of Vanitas, they forbid him from visiting their house again, at least when Roxas was present. Roxas became a sensitive topic around Ven and whenever Vanitas brought him up, Ven's mood soured. 

Vanitas didn't think much of it - the twins' relationship must be tense after what happened.

Strangely, once they got back to school they interacted as nothing had changed, they walked next to each other and talked and laughed.

What did change though was his relationship to Ven.

It was a slight shift he should've caught. At first, Ven got agitated way easier. A wrong word and he was mad for a day or sometimes even longer, answering Vanitas's question in short syllables and a snippy tone. Then, he started to need constant reassurance. Day after day, he doubted that Vanitas truly wanted to be with him, so Vanitas had to tell him over and over. At first, he didn't mind, but it got tiring - Ven asked him if he was sure about this relationship five times a day, interrupting anything and everything they did together. And finally, his envy got unbearable. Talking to males with the sole exception of Sora was impossible without Ven getting jealous. Which was fine, because Vanitas didn't have that many people to talk to outside of Sora anyway but it didn't matter what or how they were talking to each other. Sometimes, a single "heeeey Vanitas!" was enough for Ven to go through the roof.

Vanitas didn't think Ven realized - but his constant doubt was painful. Vanitas loved Ventus a lot and tried his best to show it, yet Ven kept doubting his feelings. Was he not doing enough? Was he simply not good enough?

Because of his own thoughts clouding his mind, it got harder and harder for him to keep up with Ven's moods.

"Vanitas…" Vanitas groaned. He knew that tone. He knew it too well.

"I'm not answering your stupid question, Ven." He could feel irritation radiating from his boyfriend next to him. But Vanitas was very tired and very irritated himself, so he didn't care.

"My stupid question? It's important to me!" Ventus said, voice shaking.

"You asked me the same question like 4 hours ago. Why should I change my mind?" Ven shifted slightly.

"I...I'm just making sure-!"

"Don't you trust me?" Vanitas interrupted him. Ven stared at him with wide eyes. "You keep asking and asking and asking!"

Honestly, it was just a matter of time.

"I do, but-"

"You don't!" Vanitas knew he was screaming. He knew he was probably scaring Ven. He didn't stop.

"You don't trust me. Maybe you don't even love me!" Ven's eyes widened at that sentence. He opened his mouth to say something, protest maybe - but Vanitas kept talking over him, didn't listen to him. "I've had enough of this Ven. I'm sick and tired of your question games! You're making me want to change my mind!"

It was just a matter of time until Vanitas exploded.

As soon as those words left his mouth he regretted them.

Ventus looked so hurt. So sad. Like he was about to burst into tears. "So that's how you really feel," he said. His voice was surprisingly even. "I knew it."

"Wait, Ven…!" Vanitas called but Ven had already gotten up.

"Goodbye, Vani…" Vanitas was not able to grasp Ven's hand.

"Wait! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!" Ven raced to the door, Vanitas close behind him. His fingers managed to graze Ven's elbow, but he pulled out of his grasp immediately and threw the front door open, only to slam it in Vanitas's face a second later. Literally, Vanitas ran against that door and fell to the ground, groaning.

"Fuck!" He shouted, hand surging to his nose to feel out the damage that had been done. His fingers stopped once they felt a certain liquid trickling down his skin. He was bleeding.

"Are you okay?" Sora's voice made him snap out of his trance. His brother stood on the last step if the stairs leading upwards, looking at him cowering in front of the door, mildly curious.

"I'm fine, just give me a tissue or something," Vanitas said, standing up to walk to the sofa in the living room, letting himself fall on it. A second later, Sora handed him the tissues he asked for, slight worry in his glance. 

He waited for Vanitas to wipe most of the blood away before asking. "What happened?"

Vanitas sighed. The memory alone was enough to make him scowl. "I argued with Ven and he stormed out… and then I ran against a closed door."

"You argued with Ven?" Sora asked, sounding surprised. Vanitas glared at the ground and didn't give him an answer. It seemed like that was answer enough for Sora.

"Oh. Well, you don't need to worry! Arguments are part of a relationship! I'm sure it will be fine if you just talk about it tomorrow-"

"And how would _you_ know about what's part in a relationship or not," Vanitas hissed, glaring at his brother. But immediately, it was wiped from his face as he saw Sora. Just by looking at his face Vanitas knew how hurt Sora had been by his words just now.

"God, Sora, I'm sorry. I… I was lashing out and you didn't deserve that."

"It's alright," Sora said, a soft smile back on his face. "Just use the night to calm down and talk to Ven tomorrow! I'm sure you will sort it out."

Vanitas couldn't help but to smile back at Sora. "Yeah, thanks."

\---

Starting the day with no "Good Morning!" messages from Ven was harder than Vanitas thought. He just got so used to it. He dragged himself out of bed and started his morning routine, at one point doing everything humanly possible to get Sora out of bed (more or less successful).

His mind raced with thoughts on how he should apologize to Ven, because well, he really liked Ven and wanted to continue being with him. He didn't want to mess this up.

At first the break, he bolted out of the classroom faster than he ever did, eyes opened to find a certain blond. He knew Ven was going to avoid him but-

A notification sound. Sora changed it for him so it wasn't the annoying standard one he hated so much.

_Ven's in the library!!!!_

_Thanks Sora_, Vanitas thought with a slight smile and then raced towards the library, the students of the school avoiding his path.

Maybe he slammed the door to the library open too loudly. Everyone was looking at him. He hated the silence there.

Sora was right, there in the corner sat Ventus, all by himself. He was the one who looked the most surprised seeing him. Vanitas strode up to the blond with more or less confident steps. Probably more less confident than more confident. But maybe he looked confident enough.

"Ven, we need to talk." His voice didn't shake too bad. That's good.

Ven stared at him for a little longer with his blank eyes before he stood up and followed Vanitas outside of the library. This actually went pretty well. Considering Ven could've outright refused.

"Look I'm sorry," Vanitas started. "I was in a really bad mood and I let it out on you. I shouldn't have done that. I still want to be with you. I love you." Ven's face, which was an annoyed scowl before, softened until he looked almost glad. Judging by his expression, Vanitas decided to be bold and take his hand. Ven didn't pull away. "Please?"

Ventus sighed. "It was my fault as well. I'm sorry." A tentative smile. "I love you too, Vani."

There, in Ven's embrace, he thought that that was probably the last of that problem. They overcame their argument, admitted their wrongs and tried to be better for each other. But while Ventus seemed to have admitted his wrongs, he didn't change the way he acted at all. It got even worse. His bad mood and his constant jealousy mixed to form a dangerous potion, one that Vanitas would have loved to avoid. Sadly, he couldn't avoid speaking to a human male for the rest of his life. Even if he could, Ventus would still be jealous - accusing him of looking at other people instead of him.

It would be a lie if Vanitas said he wasn't annoyed at Ventus's shift in personality - however, he didn't want to split from the blond, still loving him as much as he did when he first fell for him. He hoped Ventus would snap out of it eventually and they could be like they were before. Happy-

"Vanitas, you're not even listening to me," Ventus accused. He was sitting on the bed next to him, irritation clear on his face. Some show Vanitas had never seen before playing on the television in his room.

Vanitas snapped out of his sullen thoughts. "Sorry," he admitted. "I've just been thinking."

"About what?" Ventus asked. Vanitas couldn't help but frown at Ventus's underlying tone of suspicion. Maybe he should tell him the truth. Lying would only make Ven more suspicious and Vanitas really didn't want to test Ventus's limits. He didn't know what would happen if he did-

"You know what? We're over."

Vanitas blinked. "What?"

Scoffing, Ven started to pack his things. "Now you can be with whoever you think about all the time instead of me. I know you're not happy with me anymore, Vanitas. I'm not dumb."

"What?" Vanitas repeated.

"I'm leaving," Ven just answered, standing up once he gathered all of his belongings. His voice sounded shaky. Vanitas jumped up to match him.

"What do you mean, _I'm leaving_, are we going to ignore what you just did?"

It was strange. There was a range of emotions locked in him only Ventus summon. He loved Ven, more than he thought he was able to love a person. That's why he swallowed the black bile of hurt and tried to be there for Ven as much as he could, make things easier for him. Ven was obviously going through something, right? Otherwise, he wouldn't act like this. With those thoughts in mind, he carried on and kept all of his feelings that may potentially upset Ventus to himself. And right now, they were close to all spilling out, crawling up his throat like a chest filled with many toys about to explode.

"Does it matter? You obviously don't love me anymore, so why should you care about that?"

_the_

_fi_

_nal_

_nail_

_in_

_the_

_cof_

_fin-_

In an instant, everything Vanitas felt for Ventus was erased and replaced with hot, white fury. His hand clutched Ventus's wrist despite the other's protests, keeping him there in a death grip.

"Am I a goddamn joke to you, Ventus?" Vanitas growled. "How many times do I need to tell you that I love you? How many times?!"

Ventus stared at him with wide, glassy eyes. Vanitas chose to ignore his expression. "Do you ever, _ever_ think about how I feel instead of just assuming? Do you ever stop and think, _hey, Vanitas loves me a lot but if I keep questioning him he might feel like he's not good enough? He might feel doubted? And that's why he might be unhappy?_"

Ventus started to struggle against his grip, wincing. Shortly, Vanitas saw something akin to tears in his eyes, but again, in his rage, he didn't react to it. "You make me unhappy! Yes, you do Ven! I love you, more than anything, but I can't stand the way you act right now! Your constant doubt is annoying! You asking the same question over and over again is annoying! Your constant mood swings are annoying!"

Ven started sobbing softly, still trying to loosen Vanitas's grip. Vanitas was unrelenting, however, if anything he gripped even harder. "Listen to me! Ven, look at me!"

"No...! Vani, please stop! It hurts… it hurts!" Ventus screamed. Those words made Vanitas stop for a second. His grip loosened while he tried to process them and because of that, Ven finally managed to rip his hand out of Vanitas's grip.

Oh. 

Angry red marks were where Vanitas had clutched his wrist, none of them seeming to fade anytime soon. 

He didn't mean to.

Ven looked at him with wide, fearful eyes. "I… I didn't mean to hurt you…" Vanitas whispered weakly and tried to approach Ventus, but Ventus flinched. It made Vanitas stop in his tracks.

When Ventus ran away, he didn't have the heart to follow him.

\---

This time, it took a lot longer until they spoke again. Mostly because Vanitas was scared to approach Ven. What he had seen in Ven's eyes that day had been fear. Panic. And he himself was the one to make Ven feel that way. 

It wouldn't be the first time Vanitas scared someone close to him - he had lost friends because of it before. The memory of Skuld's hateful glare as she led Ephemer away-

Still, he hadn't lost control of his anger like that for a while. After _that_ incident, he thought was able to suppress it… god, maybe he needed to see his therapist again.

Ven made no move to approach him as well. Maybe it was better this way, Vanitas mused (not for him, no, he missed Ventus with every fiber if his being, he felt like his life was falling apart without the blond, but Ventus deserved a better partner than Vanitas. Vanitas hurt him).

The week dragged on. Vanitas felt more and more tired each day, his lack of sleep unexplained. On Friday, the hallways felt longer than usual and he stumbled through them like a zombie. Could he really continue this for another week? Ven deserved better, but maybe he should be selfish. Beg Ventus for forgiveness. Selfish, selfish…

A hand softly grasped his wrist.

So soft, Vanitas instantly felt at ease.

"I missed you," he said and Vanitas couldn't help to agree, turning around. Softly he cupped the other's face with his hand and planted a kiss on his lips. It was nothing big, just a little peck, but it held so many unspoken words.

Vanitas gently held Ven's hand as they left school.

If Vanitas hoped their relationship was perfect after making up once again, well, he would be wrong again. There was a slight nagging on his mind on how this couldn't be how a perfect relationship should be - they broke up constantly and sometimes even hurt each other physically when Vanitas lost control or Ven became extremely aggressive. Sora was the only person close enough to him to know how it was affecting him, yet, Vanitas kept pushing him away, unwilling to talk to his brother. He knew Sora would try to be reasonable and say _you hurt each other so much, maybe you should stay away from each other_ and Vanitas knew it was right, but he didn't want to hear it. Whenever he and Ven were apart, he felt awful. He loved Ventus. Vanitas was even ready to go as far and say that he needed Ventus. There was no way he could stop being with the blond, even if it hurt.

He stopped listening to his parents and Sora's advice. He almost stopped talking to them altogether, only answering when it was necessary. He could see the worry in their eyes, but he chose to ignore it. Pushing them away and away, he never noticed-

It was down phase for his and Ventus's relationship, which meant Vanitas was moody and lashed out at everyone and everything. After getting in an argument with his teacher, he skipped out in the rest of school - something that was becoming a habit, much to his parents' worry - the front door to home was slapped shut loudly and he kicked off his shoes, stomping upstairs. His room was just the way he left it in the morning, so messy you couldn't see the ground anymore. Except that white note on his table, folded neatly and with that, in stark contrast with the rest of his room. Vanitas definitely didn't leave that there. 

Curiously, he inspected the letter, recognizing his brother's handwriting immediately.

_Dear Vanitas, I have decided to-_

_Don't be sad, because-_

_I wish-_

Vanitas had never skimmed something this fast before he threw the note to the ground, running down the hallway to his brother's room. It was tidied, neat and empty. "SORA!" He shouted, immediately turning around. Where should he look? Where would Sora go? How could he stop-

God! It was impossible to think for Vanitas. The static noise in his head got louder and louder- static noise? Taking a second to calm down, he noticed that that sound he was hearing was not made up by his mind. It was actually the water running in the bathroom. Again, Vanitas was running.

"SORA!" Vanitas shouted again, pounding the door to the bathroom at the end of the hallway. No answer. "SORA, ANSWER ME!" He rattled on the door handle to open it, but it was locked. In hindsight, Vanitas was pretty sure he was possessed by something right there because in his desperation he succeeded to break the door open by sheer force.

Because the water kept running, it was close to flooding the bathroom. Sora had a slash wound on his arm, emerged in the warm water that filled the bathtub. His blood was slowly painting the clear liquid in deep red. Vanitas was in a complete frenzy. He didn't know what to do other than to remove Sora's arm from the bathtub. Blood continued to ooze out and Vanitas heard himself scream. The water puddle was reaching his knees, making his pants wet. The constant ringing in the background-

His phone.

Fumbling, he picked up the call without looking at the caller ID. _"Look Vanitas, I know we're not in a good spot right now, but can you let us in? We're worried because-"_

"AMBULANCE!" Vanitas interrupted. "CALL AN AMBULANCE!"

_"What?"_

"PLEASE CALL AN AMBULANCE!" Vanitas screeched. He repeated those words until the ambulance arrived.

\---

Sora's wound hasn't been that deep, and Vanitas found him pretty quickly, so he was going to be fine. Ventus held his hand the entire time they waited for results, but Vanitas was in a daze. He didn't even register his soaked (with blood, blood) clothes or when his parents came, just as much in a frenzy that he had been. Roxas, who had come with Ventus to check on Sora, did all the explaining while Ventus focused on calming Vanitas who's shock simply didn't seem to wear off.

When the doctor shared that Sora was actually stable and not in any danger of dying, the tears started. He didn't know if it was tears of relief or what… he just cried and cried while Ven held him.

With permission from Ventus's parents, he was allowed to stay over - the only one who was able to get Vanitas out of the hospital. The entire night, Vanitas had clutched him like his life depended on it, and Ven let him.

Even though they were technically broken up, Ven was there for him the entire time. Held his hand, hugged him, listened to him, soothed him. It felt reminiscent of when they first became a couple, where no arguments and no jealousy was present, and Vanitas felt eased by the familiar feeling.

When they faced Sora, Vanitas couldn't get any words out. He just bawled while clutching his little brother's hand, his parents also crying behind him which in turn made Sora cry also. Even when Sora and his parents exchanged hushed words, Vanitas never stopped - he continued to cry and hold his little brother's hand. His parents made sure Sora got the help he needed - and arranged sessions with the same therapist Vanitas used to see. He has seen Mrs. Ava a few times while he visited Sora (which he did unrelentingly) and she smiled at him. Vanitas did his best to smile back, but...well. He must've shown something because Mrs. Ava didn't seem to be too impressed with it.

When Vanitas was there, Sora talked, his face so full of life and joy, sometimes Vanitas forgot Sora tried to- Sora tried to-

He didn't quite understand why that had happened, Sora's letter was elusive at best and only stated how no one would miss him. He really didn't want to ask Sora and he also really didn't want to destroy the peace he had with Ventus. One morning, when Ventus was still asleep and Vanitas didn't have the heart to wake him, Roxas was sitting at the eating room table, drinking coffee like he owned this place.

"What're you doing here," Vanitas asked, his words slurred slightly. Roxas passed him a cup of coffee and Vanitas was too tired to protest his actions.

"I came here to bring Ventus some spare clothes. He probably wants to stay awhile after all. And your parents were nice enough to offer me some coffee so I stayed."

"Oh." Vanitas took another sip and ignored the awkward silence between them. Come to think of it, Ventus back then said on phone-

_"Look Vanitas, I know we're not in a good spot right now, but can you let us in? We're worried because-"_

Maybe it was his chance to find out what happened that day.

"Why were you worried?" Vanitas asked and Roxas looked up from his cup, seemingly a little confused.

"When you came looking for Sora. Why were you so worried?"

Roxas looked genuinely upset for a second. "It's just. Riku and Kairi came out with that they are dating. And Sora didn't respond to calls or messages, so we were worried."

Riku again. Last time, Sora was so upset because of that boy as well. _Riku… I nearly lost my brother because of you-_

"Where are you going?" Roxas asked.

"School." This is the one and only time Vanitas will let his rampant anger out. For Sora. _What about that pinky swear? Tch, who cares about that, Riku deserved hell. Hell for hurting his brother like this._

The thought that Sora could've- because Riku was a shitty friend- never even thought about his feelings- 

The walk there passed in a blur. The next thing he knew was that he punched Riku right across the jaw and was already trying to punch him again. It was always like that when he lost control, he barely even knew what he was doing, fueled and acting with emotions only. He saw white. Or was it black?

A soft touch. He let himself be dragged off. Protested weakly. He knew he had lost as soon as Ventus stepped in. The rage left his body almost immediately. Only tiredness and numbness were left.

He didn't care about anything. As soon as Ven's voice reached his ears, he broke down crying.

\---

When Sora told him he made up with Riku, Vanitas was _this_ close to forbid him from meeting him ever again. However he saw the light in Sora's eyes and the smile on his lips - he was so much happier. Happier because he made up with Riku than he was able to make Sora. It wounded his already hurting heart, but if it made Sora happy, he would be able to deal with Riku. He would watch him and at the slightest sign he was going to hurt Sora again He. Was. Dead.

Mrs. Ava visited them a lot, and after Sora was discharged, Vanitas regularly drove him to her office, sometimes even sitting through her sessions with him (if Sora didn't mind).

His relationship with Ventus stayed stable after a while, they stayed together for longer than they did ever since the first dreadful argument. However, it was just a question of time.

"You always stare at Roxas!"

Vanitas shook his head. God, he felt the anger resurfacing. Calm down. Why would Ventus even assume he's staring at Roxas? They only interacted sparsely and the only conversation they held recently was the one where Roxas told him about Riku.

"I DON'T!" Vanitas screamed, maybe a little louder than he should have. Calm down. Deep breaths.

"I saw you! Am I just a substitute or what? Cause you can't have the real deal, huh?" The gall Ventus had of still accusing him of stuff like that. 

"You are a fucking idiot if you think that's true Ventus!" Vanitas answered, words sounding harsh and mean even to his own ears. God, if he didn't stop right here, all he'd achieve would be upsetting Ventus. Again. Again. Yet, he couldn't stop. He felt his emotions taking over. Again. Again. He's gonna lose control. Again. Again.

"Oh, you're back to using my full name! No more nicknames now that I have figured you out!" He needed an outlet. He slammed the wall behind so hard, something crashed next to him. It was just the stupid alarm clock, whatever. Deep breaths. Calm down. Don't let your anger control you. Stop approaching Ventus. 

He'll

Be

Scared

"I can't believe this! Don't you have any faith in me?" Vanitas asked, voice shaking with anger. Calm down. Deep breaths. Don't let your anger control you. Think about what you're doing.

"You wouldn't be the first one who only got close to me because of my brother!" Ventus countered. Vanitas honestly could tell if he was angry or mad.

"Oh my God. Look Ven, I don't know how to make you believe that what you're spouting right now is UTTER BULLSHIT!" Ventus pushed him back. Vanitas didn't even remember being that close to him.

He stumbled back in surprise, against his shelf. His back felt like it was fire. Ven had surprisingly great strength if he wanted to. It was the last thought Vanitas had before something...something from the shelf crashed on his head and then fell to the ground. He thought he blacked out for a second because when he groaned and opened his eyes, he laid on the ground and the door was thrown wide open and Sora was standing in the doorway, looking at Ventus. Who in turn was staring at Vanitas, eyes wide with shock.

Vanitas tried to stand up, but he felt too dizzy - and his head just would stop throbbing. Sitting was the best he could do, a hand touching the spot he thought the pain was coming from tentatively. Immediately, his fingers were soaked in a liquid, deep red. Blood.

He threw a glance at the ground next to him to see what had caused this wound. 

Oh,

The snow globe he had cherished for almost two years was shattered. The spot he used to look at every day was empty. The gift that had made him first notice Ventus - destroyed, in a fight between both of them. The liquid of it soaked the carpet as if it was bleeding, slowly spreading until it reached Vanitas's bloodless hand. Before he knew any better, tears had started to trickle down his cheeks. The cold feeling of the liquid - It felt like it was the final nail in the coffin for their relationship. Just like it had started it all, its destruction signaled the end. The end...

"You're bleeding," Ventus whispered, taking a step towards Vanitas. _The end._

"Don't come any closer!" Vanitas screamed, making him flinch back. "Leave! Leave! Go the fuck away! I don't want to see you anymore!"

He didn't know if Ventus actually left. Vanitas turned away from him, staring at the shattered globe one more time. Is it… really unsalvageable? Can it not be repaired? Gently, he tried to pick up the pieces of glass, only to be cut by it, dropping it with a wince. He went to try picking it up a second time, ignoring his finger, but a gentle hand stopped him.

"C'mon, Vani. Mom is gonna drive you to a doctor." Vanitas tried to protest but their mother entered the room shortly after and treated his wounds as well as she could, then pretty much carried him in the car with Sora's help. Vanitas struggled weakly, but his dizziness won out in the end.

\---

After treatment, Vanitas stayed home for a while. The mess in his room was completely gone but the spot on his shelf was glaringly empty as well. He stared at that spot most of the time talking only when it seemed necessary.

"Hey, brother!" Vanitas hummed to acknowledge Sora's presence. Sora seemed a lot better ever since he started visiting Mrs. Ava. He was glad.

"How are you today? Does your head still hurt?" Well, he felt well enough to shake his head, so it couldn't be that bad.

"That's good!" Their conversation died. Sora glanced around.

"Hey, Vani?" Vanitas ripped his gaze away from the shelf to look at Sora. Sora smiled at him and handed him a bag. It made a slight sloshing sound. "I did my best, but it's not that great…"

Curiously, Vanitas peered into the bag and found his snow globe sitting in there. With wide eyes, he took it out. It was fixed with glue and tape and everything looked a little crooked, but it was whole again.

"...thank you." Sora smiled brightly.

"You're welcome! I know how much you loved it after all!"

_Maybe not all is lost for him and Ven. Maybe it can be fixed. If they tried hard enough together._

\---

A few days later, the doorbell rang. Vanitas was home alone, but he was well enough to open the door himself - and suppress a groan at the blond in front of him.

Roxas never stopped being super awkward around him. They could hold conversations (even though Vanitas avoided that to avoid making Ven upset) but he could see that Roxas still hadn't quite given up on him if the weird shine in his eyes whenever they saw each other showed something.

"Ven left some things the other day and is too cowardly to come pick them up himself." How weird that Ven kept being jealous that Vanitas was looking at Roxas, but sent the same twin to pick up his stuff from him. The raven-haired boy sighed and let Roxas in, without another word. They climbed the stairs and arrived at Vanitas's room, Roxas choosing to wait outside instead of just barging in.

"What happened to the snow globe?" Roxas asked while Vanitas looked through his room. The older boy paused to glance up the shelf where the globe took its usual place after being fixed by Sora - though Vanitas added some precautions so it wouldn't fall again.

"It fell. Sora fixed it up," Vanitas mumbled, finally pulling the bag out Ventus had left that day.

"Oh… while it makes me happy that you kept the gift I gave you all this time, if you told me, I would've made another one…"

Again, Vanitas paused. "The gift _you_ gave me?"

Roxas looked almost nervous, contradicting his usual calm and cool demeanor, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. "You didn't know? I thought Sora told you…"

Vanitas stood up and walked to the doorway of his room, facing Roxas. "Sora told me this snow globe is from Ventus."

Immediately, Roxas's expression changed. At first, his head tilted to the side, lips forming a frown, eyes darting around as he thought. _Confusion._

Then, realization dawned on his face and he clenched his fists, looking at the ground with wide eyes while his lips parted. _Shock._

"I… I was the one who made this present!" Roxas suddenly shouted, grabbing Vanitas's shoulders. "Sora must've mistaken us! It's my present!"

"Wha… knock it off!" Vanitas winced as he pried Roxas's hands off him. They had sunk in like claws.

"I did this for you. Not Ven. I saw you carry my keychain around as well…!"

"Your keychain?" Vanitas grounded out. "Ven gave it to me!"

"No! I made these presents! I made them for you! Because-"

"Enough, Roxas! You're being desperate. Why must it be me anyway? I'm sure there's someone out there who's not a complete ass like I am."

Roxas shook his head frantically. "No! I… I only ever loved you. I don't care how much of an ass you claim to be… I've seen you with Sora. You're kind… Even though you try to hide it-"

"Roxas." Suddenly, Vanitas felt tired. He pushed Ven's bag into the blond's hands and stepped outside, closing the door to his room. "I don't love you. And I'm not as nice and kind as you seem to believe. It's about time you gave up and moved on. Honestly, going as far as to claim Ventus's presents for me as your own…"

"It's the truth! I made them-" Roxas started to protest, but Vanitas shook his head.

"ENOUGH! I'm in love with Ventus. And Ventus is not you. When will you understand?" Roxas didn't answer. He pursed his lips and glared at the bag Vanitas had given to him, clutching it close to his chest. He looked like he was close to tears but he holding it in like he didn't wish to cry in front of Vanitas.

"Please leave, Roxas." Roxas ran. A few seconds later, Vanitas heard the front door slam shut.

\---

Their circle continued. "I missed you," Ven whispered and grasped Vanitas's hand with his own. Vanitas only hummed and let him. "I'm sorry I hurt you." 

A shake of head. "Let's not talk about that." 

Vanitas was content like this - holding Ven's hand. He didn't want to ruin their time together with memories of their last break up. Their limited time until the next one- huh? When did he start thinking like that?

"I love you, Vani," Ven said. Vanitas smiled. 

"I love you too."

Vanitas knew Sora and a lot of Ven's friends (especially Aqua, that bitch) disapproved of their on-off relationship. Did he care? Well, he couldn't straight out say no… he hated Sora's sad face. But well, he certainly didn't care about Aqua's or Terra's or Lea's opinion. And neither did Ven, apparently. Vanitas questioned how he and Roxas could stay on such good terms after what happened. While he wished it was because Roxas finally gave up, he didn't think that's the case. It almost seemed like Roxas burned with determination when they met, which of course not overlooked by Ventus.

Their circle continued. A week after they got back together, they split again.

\---

Vanitas sighed while he waited for Sora in front of the building. Mrs. Ava's office was just like he remembered it. Even though it was so far in the past, some things never changed, he guessed.

"Oh my, Vanitas! Are you waiting for Sora?" He hadn't seen or heard her approach, so he was slightly surprised to see Mrs. Ava standing there in front of the door, apparently outside to get a little fresh air. A warm smile was on her face, the same one that had just made him spill everything and anything in the past.

"Hello. Yes, I'm waiting for Sora," Vanitas answered her. He had been incredibly destructive as a middle schooler. His anger had been uncontrollable and he had taken it out on everyone, especially Sora. Maybe the reason he was so strangely protective of his little brother today was because there was still underlying guilt about hurting him so much in the past - though Vanitas had always been a little protective before his _rebellious_ phase.

"He's in the bathroom right now. He'll be right out," Mrs. Ava explained. Vanitas nodded to show he heard her and for a second they stood there in silence until the women sighed.

"You look sad," Mrs. Ava noted. His therapist had helped him control his anger. And he was eternally grateful to her for that.

"Ah, don't worry about it. It's just… my boyfriend and I broke up recently." Mrs. Ava hummed thoughtfully.

"Well, I know you're not my client anymore, but I'd be willing to lend an ear… and maybe give you some advice." Vanitas hesitated to take the offer. Should he tell her? He was grateful to her, yes, but what if she just told him to break up with Ven, like everybody else? Wouldn't that confirm they weren't for each other, coming out of her mouth?

"You can trust me," Mrs. Ava vowed and smiled - and those were the only things she needed to do before the dam broke and Vanitas spilled everything. How he and Ventus met, how they became a couple, the shift in Ventus's personality, his resurfacing anger issues, Roxas's meddling, and their constant arguments. Mrs. Ava listened to all of it without interrupting him once.

"Vanitas, I usually dislike being this harsh and direct, by it seems you need someone to tell you this outright," Mrs. Ava said once it was clear he was finished. "This relationship you lead is unhealthy."

Vanitas slumped, staring at the ground. "Are you going to tell me to break up with him for good as well?"

Mrs. Ava pursed her lips. "Do you really love him, Vanitas?"

"I do!" Vanitas said. "I really do. I can't imagine spending my life with someone other than him."

"In that case, I still believe you should spli- hear me out, Vanitas." Something must've shown on his face. "You should split… for now. Maybe you need a break from each other, you know? And during that time, you stay away from him and solely focus on improving yourself. Make yourself a person that can make him happy. Get your anger back in control again. Stop relying on him too much. And once you think you achieved that, maybe you can try again, a relationship with him."

Vanitas was at a loss for words. He wasn't making Ven happy. He never quite looked at it that way. If he wasn't making Ven happy, who was happy in this relationship? He himself? No…

"Thank you," he managed to gulp out.

\---

It was a few days later when Ventus was curled up at his side asleep, that Vanitas remembered Mrs. Ava's words clearly. The characters of the movie in the background sucked face, very passionately. How Ventus could watch all of that junk was a mystery to him.

Maybe she was right. He wanted Ventus to be happy above all. And maybe he was incapable of making him happy. Gently, he brushed a strand out of his boyfriend's face pressing a kiss to his temple. Ven smiled in his sleep and it was almost enough to make Vanitas heart shatter on the spot.

He wanted to be with Ven, but he wanted him to be happy. Mrs. Ava had shown him a way to achieve it both. He needed to make it a reality. 

With that in mind, he stood up, careful not to wake Ven up. He tucked the blond in with a blanket and left the room, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He needed to make this call, no matter awful and dreadful it was.

_"Hello, this is Aqua,"_ a female voice said and Vanitas mentally prepared himself.

"It's me, Vanitas." Silence.

_"What do you want."_ Oh how condescending. Well, not like Vanitas had expected anything else.

"I'm gonna break up with Ven," he said. More silence.

_"Why are you telling me this?"_

"I need to… get away. From here. And I need your help. Please. Help me get myself in order. For Ven's sake as well."

Silence. Aqua never seemed that quiet when she talked to someone else.

_"...What do you need?"_

\---

There was only a small problem left in Vanitas's master plan. Telling the people. The few ones that were close to him. Aqua had surprisingly good connections and set him up with almost everything. She even managed to get him a job close to where she found an already completely furnished apartment for him. It was almost a little scary (she also threatened him, if he made a bad impression even though he vouched for him she would kill him). It was already set in stone - after graduation, which was pretty soon, he'd move and try to start a fresh life.

First, he told his parents. They reacted like he expected - while they were sad, they also supported him, praising his independence and wishing him luck. He asked them to hold off on telling Sora, which they promised.

Telling Sora… while he was a lot better, telling him how he made up with Riku and Kairi, Vanitas knew better than to assume that he was just going to be fine now - he had been watching over his little brother all this time, refusing to let anything similar happen ever again. Begrudgingly, he had to admit that Riku had been there for Sora all the time. He had watched Sora almost as much as he himself did and it was clear how much Sora appreciated the other boy, judging by his wide smiles when Riku was around, smiles even Vanitas was not able to coax out of him. And Vanitas still didn't trust Riku! Because Riku was the reason all of that had started in the first place. Yet, he was also the biggest reason Sora had made such a great recovery. As much as Vanitas would've liked to claim that title for himself, he would just be lying to himself. Did he redemption himself? Was it time to forgive Riku?

Sora would surely be happy if he did. They hung out together sometimes (because both of them were watching Sora) and Sora kept pushing them to befriend each other (not really successful because Vanitas was still suspicious of Riku and Riku was acting too bashful around him because of what had happened in the past).

Vanitas mulled over his thought process. He was going to move away. If someone was going to watch Sora when he was away, it had to be Riku, didn't it? 

Forgiving… befriending…. Vanitas had never been good at either.

He made a decision.

\---

The opportunity presented itself just a few days after he made up his mind. Roxas and Sora were doing something I'm the kitchen (Vanitas didn't really pay attention to their talking, but he thought it was something edible) and he and Riku were left alone on the table in the dining room, sitting across of each other.

There was tension in the room - Vanitas could feel Riku fearing his grudge. It was only natural, he had watched Riku interacting with Sora closely after all, ready to destroy him at any sign Sora was unhappy… plus there had been this punch on the schoolyard. ...maybe that was a good point to make Riku's fear disappear and make it clear Vanitas was trying to befriend him.

"I'm sorry," Vanitas started. Riku flinched, nearly falling out of his chair. It took another second until recognition flashed in his face as if he now just understood what Vanitas had said. His eyebrows raised as if he couldn't believe what he just heard. His surprise made Vanitas flush deep red. Was is this unusual of him to apologize Riku needed to gap like a fish at him?

"Look. Riku. About that day I punched you-"

"You're still thinking about that?" Riku interrupted, eyebrows twitching as if they tried to raise even higher than they already were. "Uh, sorry, continue."

Well, if he wanted to befriend Sora's friend he needed a lot more patience than he thought. "I'm sorry about that," he tried again. "I was. Distraught? Uhm… I wasn't in my right mind…" Riku seemed to understand his words, judging by the expression on his face. His tense posture relaxed and his frown turned neutral, his eyebrows also returning to their usual place.

"Don't worry. It's all water under the bridge. You don't need to explain yourself. I understand. Maybe I would've reacted the same way even. We both just want Sora to be better and happy, right? We're on the same team. There's no need to hold grudges." Vanitas sighed in relief. Thank God this had been so much easier than he expected.

"Thanks," he said. "I'm glad you were there for Sora." Riku did a weird half-smile that looked so fake, Vanitas was reminded of his own attempts to pretend everything was fine when he first met Mrs. Ava. He couldn't stop the grin creeping up to his face. But then he remembered that he had to ask one more thing of Riku.

"I have one more favor to ask of you," he murmured. His eyes tried to look for Riku's.

"I'm going to move away after graduation," he whispered. Riku's eyes widened.

"I need you to stay at Sora's side while I'm gone. I know it's selfish," Vanitas ran through his messy hair with a hand, sighing. "But I need to get out of here. And I trust you and Roxas and Kairi enough to leave him here with you." Vanitas could see the surprise on Riku's face.

"Please." When was the last time he said please to somebody? Probably Ventus, when he begged the other to stay.

"Of course. I'll stay with Sora. I won't ever let him go again," Riku promised almost immediately after he finished talking. It made Vanitas feel warm relief and happiness and he smiled unconsciously.

"Thank you," Vanitas whispered. Riku opened his mouth to say something else, but Sora and Roxas returned to the dining room at this moment. Confused by what they were talking about so seriously, Sora tilted his head.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, but Vanitas only shook his head, waving Roxas and Sora to the table to sit down.

"I wanna try those super top-secret snacks you did! You kept us waiting for far too long, so I expect greatness!" He said. He'll tell Sora later.

\---

Later came too soon. He was just lazing around in his room with Sora, trying his best to pay attention to the movie, his head touching the ground while his body was still on the bed. 

"You're not watching at all!" Sora complained. Vanitas chuckled. If there was any perfect moment to tell Sora, it was now.

"Hey, Sora?" Sora hummed, signaling he heard him. "I'm moving away after graduation."

Sora turned to him with a surprised face, mouth slightly parted as if he was still looking for the right words.

"Aqua set me up with a nice place. It's a little far from here, 2 hours with a train but only 1 hour by car. It's pretty much set in stone-"

"AQUA DID?" Sora interrupted suddenly, staring at Vanitas, seemingly even more surprised than before. Vanitas didn't know if he should be offended or not.

"Yeah, I called her and begged and groveled." Sora laughed. Oh, how Vanitas will miss that bright sound. He didn't even move out yet but he already missed him.

"Why?" Sora asked and Vanitas sighed.

"You want… the long version or the short version?" Sora turned down the volume and turned his entire body towards Vanitas, staring at him, expectant. The long version it is.

Vanitas started explaining. Sora listened to him the entire time, attentive. It was reminiscent of when he told Mrs. Ava everything. Vanitas did leave some things out (like the Riku thing) but he told Sora almost everything. His voice faded when he was done, eyes finding his brother's. What were mere seconds felt like hours of silence.

"Okay," Sora said.

"Okay?" Vanitas repeated.

"Yeah! You said it was necessary for you to move so you can be happy so… I think you should do it! If you're happy so am I."

"God you're all so supportive," Vanitas laughed, though he mostly did so to hide welling tears. Sora smiled knowingly.

"But did you tell Ven yet?"

Immediately, the atmosphere sobered.

"No… but with how many times we broke up, how will this one be different?" Sora looked at him, gaze full of worry.

"It's for good. At least for a while. Of course it'll be different." Vanitas shook his head. 

"I have too," he said, but he could already feel his conviction fading. He buried his face in his hands and let out a shaky sigh. Sora put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Our relationship was toxic- don't deny it Sora. We kept hurting each other. We kept lashing out. We didn't talk about it. We just kept getting back together and kissing and burying those feelings of hurt and… that's not how it should be. It's not a healthy relationship. I love him, but I want him to be happy. I... can't make him happy right now. So I thought it was best to break up. Maybe one day… I can get myself in order. And then love him and make him happy - in a healthy way. If he still wants me to, that is."

"I want you to be happy, Vani. And when you are, come back and make Ven happy too!"

Vanitas doesn't know why, but Sora's words were always the right ones to warm his heart. "I will. And thank you, Sora."

His little brother grinned.

\---

Ventus agreed to meet him the next day. Sora, the kind soul, managed to ward their mother off the house for that day - in case of a big argument, she wouldn't be here to witness (Vanitas didn't think Ventus would go as far as to kill him, honestly).

"Hey," Ventus greeted him and leaned in for a peck, but Vanitas turned away. He saw hurt flash over his lover's face and suddenly was this close to scrapping the entire plan.

But

"Come in." Ventus followed him in. Vanitas could feel his eyes burning into his back. What words should he choose? Which ones would hurt Ven the least?

They settled down in the living room. Vanitas knew that Ventus was at least a little irritated, as he didn't move to sit down next to him, standing in the room.

"There's something we need to talk about," Vanitas decided to introduce this introduction. Ventus's eyes narrowed. "I… I'm gonna move. After graduation. It's about one hour away with that car."

"Oh. Why?" Ventus was taking this better than Vanitas thought, honestly.

"I need to get away from here. Start fresh and stuff." Finally, Ventus's body joined him on the couch. Gently, he intertwined their hands.

"I get it," Ventus said. Vanitas breathed a sigh of relief. "Things here can be so suffocating. Until I can come after you, you'll visit right?" Oh. That's why he was taking it so well. Vanitas supposed he should've chosen his words better.

Breath in, breath out. "Ventus, I think we should break up." The hand that was gently holding his suddenly clenched tightly, nails digging into his skin. Vanitas winced.

"Break up?" Ventus questioned. "But why? Because of the distance? I don't mind a long-distance relationship if it's you. Really!"

Vanitas shook his head. "... You know what we have is not a healthy relationship. Everyone says so."

"Since when do you care about the opinion of everyone else?" Ventus screamed.

"I… I spoke to my therapist. Well, my former therapist. She said we need a break from each other. And that we can be a healthy couple once we get ourselves in order and-"

"Don't you love me anymore?" Ventus asked a shrill voice. His voice always tended to go shrill when he was upset.

"I do! I still do and that's exactly why we need to-"

"You're a liar!" Ventus's nails were starting to draw blood. Vanitas felt too awful to defend himself.

"I bet you found someone else. Where you're moving to. And now you're tossing me away like trash!" Ventus's accusation was like a gut punch. What Vanitas felt was not anger. It's was not his usual rage, neither was it uncontrollable. All he felt was... defeat.

"Is that really what you think?" He almost whispered. There was no answer, but that was answer enough.

"Leave." 

"What? But-" Ventus started to protest, but Vanitas shook his head. The grip on his arm loosened and Vanitas immediately yanked it out of Ventus's grasp, putting some space between them.

"I have nothing to say anymore. Leave," he repeated.

"Fine!" Ventus jumped up so fast, Vanitas nearly missed it. "I'll leave! You can go disappear and be happy with your new _lover_\- what?! Why are you crying now?!" Wasn't it obvious? "Don't you dare make me feel guilty about you breaking up with me! Fucking bastard!"

_I have feelings too._

Ventus left.


	3. Goodbye.

Everything after passed in a blur. Graduation, moving, getting settled and his new job - it took up so much of his time he barely even thought about his former home. Of course, he missed his family, but he stayed in touch with Sora and his parents, and even occasionally texted Riku, in whom he had found a friend after that discussion they had. They mostly texted about Sora though (Sora was happy that Mrs. Ava deemed him well enough to have fewer sessions. Riku said it meant more time spent together.)

Remembering Mrs. Ava's advice, he tried to be more social, get more friends (also motivated by the fact that talking to Riku sometimes was actually… nice) and stop depending on the same people over and over. He asked Mrs. Ava to recommend him a therapist close to him he could ask about his anger issues. Mr. Gula was not Mrs. Ava, but he did his job well.

Vanitas's co-workers liked him, in fact, he even for a message from Aqua, stating her surprise that the person she recommended him to thanked her. Talking about Aqua, she wasn't as bad as he always thought. She was a little judgemental, but it was not too bad he couldn't deal with it and soon, he was messaging with her additionally to Riku. They even met up sometimes, Terra's eyes almost bulging out of his head when he saw them interact - well, Terra had always been kind of dumb, but in the best way, Vanitas supposed. Both of them warmed up to him and now Vanitas got daily updates from their shop.

He felt well. Better. Happier. But there was still a gigantic hole in his chest. He knew he missed Ventus, more than anything in the world. But he also knew he was on the best way to become a person that can make Ventus happy. That thought alone was able to make him overcome the pain in his chest and move on.

"...Vanitas? Is that you?"

Vanitas turned around.

"...Ephemer?"

\---

Life went on and on. The date he had promised to go back to visit Sora drew closer. He was slightly worried because Sora, Riku, Aqua and Terra had abruptly stopped texting him - but he supposed they were just busy, Sora and Riku were in their final year of high school and Terra and Aqua owned a shop after all.

His rekindled friendship with Ephemer and Skuld (though Skuld was very skeptical meeting him again. She warmed up to him after a while) and work kept him busy most of the time, and he barely even thought of the unanswered messages on his phone, meeting some of Ephemer and Skuld's friends such as Brain (who Vanitas got surprisingly along with. They both had a knack for sarcasm), Elrena, (she was kind of sweet. But she also seemed like she was two-faced. Vanitas didn't know how to act around her) Lauriam, and his sister Strelitzia (Vanitas didn't get along well with Lauriam. Ephemer said they fought like dog and cat. His sister was nice though. If only she didn't hide from him behind Lauriam all the time).

As he drove home, he found himself missing his new friends (yes, even Lauriam that bastard), humming a nice song Ephemer had recommended to him. 

The street of his childhood home was familiar and yet so distant. He parked and used his keys to get in (his mother insisted) and immediately was assaulted with the smell and sound of his mother's cooking. His eyes watered.

"Mom, I'm home!" He called and the sounds stopped for a second. Soon after, his mother came out of the kitchen to hug him tightly, smiling. 

"Welcome home, sweetie." She gave him a kiss. "How's life over there?"

"Good. I'll tell you all about it later. Where's Sora?" His mother pointed upstairs.

"He's sick."

"Oh. Well, he'll be happy to see me anyways, sick or not." His mother laughed and went back to the kitchen.

"Food is almost done, so tell me all about your experience as a young and independent man after you say hello to Sora!" She called and Vanitas rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah!"

At first, he walked up slowly. Suddenly, he was running. And soon, he was painting in front of Sora's door, pushing the door open. He had missed his little brother so much. How would Sora react to swing him again? Will he be happy? Was Vanitas about you get a teary hug?

Well, no teary hug. Sora was lying in bed, face buried on his pillows and sleeping like the dead. Vanitas smiled and sat down next to his brother's sleeping form, brushing a few strands of hair out of his face. Sora hummed and opened his eyes slowly, staring up at him in wonder.

Hey little bro," Vanitas said softly. "I heard from Mom you were sick."

"Brother? What are you doing-" Sora coughed, his voice still hoarse. Soothingly, Vanitas rubbed Sora's back - it always did the job to calm Sora down.

"It was planned for me to visit today," he explained. "You have it marked red in your calendar and all. The sickness must've really gotten you down huh. Explains why you haven't texted or called me in forever at least." Sora seemed thoughtful, then a little guilty. Vanitas decided to be merciful.

"Let's watch some movies together," he suggested, and immediately Sora agreed. Vanitas was kind enough to put on a show he knew Sora adored. They watched it together, though Sora fell asleep not even 20 minutes in. Vanitas watched him with a gentle smile - he had missed Sora so much.

\---

The next day, Vanitas rose early. He felt good enough to contemplate talking to Ven - he did feel like a better person so maybe talking to Ventus would be good for him. They didn't need to become a couple again, they just needed to… talk it out. Maybe Ventus calmed down enough to listen to his explanation.

He began getting dressed, unconsciously stealing things from Sora again - even though he deemed it as talk about feelings only, he got nervous while picking his clothes and getting ready and soon, he wasted almost an entire hour. He realized this as he for some reason tried to put down the uncontrollable force that was his hair, hearing Sora rise behind him.

"Where are you going?" Sora asked, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Vanitas threw him a smile before redirecting his attention to the mirror once more.

"I'm going over to Ven's. I know we haven't been on best breaking up terms, but I feel like… I'm a better person now. Speaking to my therapist, finding other people to depend on than just Ven… it really helped me. So I was hoping I'd go to talk to him, explain why I did what I did and… ask for a second chance," he chuckled, giving up on his hair and moving to his collar. "...maybe it's more like a sixteenth chance. With how many times we broke up."

There was no answer from Sora. Vanitas supposed he was still tired and didn't have any words to say.

"I'm going now. I'll tell you later how it went."

"No, wait!" Sora stumbled out of his bed and managed to cling to the fabric of his Vanitas's jeans, stopping him from walking further out of the bedroom door. It made him almost stumble, but he was able to catch himself, looking back at his brother with a surprised face. 

"What? Is there something I should know?"

Again, Sora didn't answer. He only panted while clinging to him.

"Is Ven still so angry I shouldn't try?" Vanitas asked. It could be a possibility. It hadn't been that long since their argument after all. Sora who had been here should know if it was safe to approach Ven or not.

But no matter how long Vanitas waited, Sora did not answer - his panting had turned into uneven breaths, his body shaking.

"Sora?" Vanitas asked, immediately sitting down next to his brother. Sora was sweating buckets and his mouth opened and closed without any sounds escaping. Vanitas's eyes widened.

"Sora! Sora! Can you hear me?" Immediately, Vanitas helped Sora get into a more comfortable position, lifting his face from the carpeted floor and helping Sora sit up, holding him in a strong grip. Next, be used his other hand to guide Sora's to Vanitas's chest, trying his best to swallow his own panic and breath as evenly as he could.

"Look, breathe with me, Sora. In ... and out." Vanitas could see Sora trying to follow his instructions. Good, because Vanitas didn't know what he would do if his voice didn't reach Sora.

"Don't worry, I'm right here." He started to rub soothing circles into his brother's back. Sora's rapid way of breathing calmed down. 

"You're doing so well." With those words, Sora's eyes cleared as he stared at Vanitas, Vanitas unable to clear the worry off his face.

"Are you doing better?" He asked and pulled a tissue out of his pocket, starting to wipe the tears on Sora's cheek. Sora sniffed.

"I'm sorry," Sora whispered.

"Don't be," Vanitas said with a soft voice. "Is there anything you want, you need? Hot cocoa? Blanket forts? Tons of marshmallows?"

"Stay," Sora asked. Vanitas hesitated - he wanted to meet Ventus after all. But it was clear that Sora needed him right now and he could always visit Ventus tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. It had time.

"Alright," Vanitas finally agreed. As gently as he could, he lifted Sora and laid him down in the bed again. His brother snuggled up to him almost immediately closing his eyes and falling asleep almost instantly.

\---

Sora clung to him the day after as well. Vanitas didn't mind because he had one more day to clear business with Ven before going back - but as time ran out, Vanitas tried to sneak out while Sora was still asleep. Unsuccessful, as Sora was softly sobbing when Vanitas tried to get ready to leave once again.

What's wrong, little brother?" Vanitas asked, worry lacing his words as he used his hands to comb through Sora's hair. Sora buried his face into the pillow, avoiding to look at Vanitas's eyes. 

A few silent minutes passed where Vanitas only used soft touches to calm his brother down.

"There's something you should know," Sora whispered after a while, speaking into his pillow so Vanitas had to strain his ears to hear.

"Ven is ...he's. He's not with us anymore."

Vanitas froze his movements. What did Sora mean? Did he move?

"I... I was drinking and he and Roxas were on the balcony and, and, he…" Sora shook his head, face still pressed into the pillow.

"He jumped."

Vanitas had never shot up so fast in his life. Forgotten was his worry for his little brother. He just stood there staring at nothing in particular. Shocked expression on his face, eyes wide, lips parted, every muscle of his body tense.

"No," he whispered.

"I'm sorry," Sora wailed.

"No," Vanitas just repeated.

His legs were moving before he knew it. He rumbled down the stairs to be met with their mother, preparing some kind of baked sweets. She rose an eyebrow at his flushed face.

"What are you up to, sweetheart? Sora finally letting you out of his grasp?"

"Ven's…" Vanitas barely got out with his weakened voice. Everything was spinning in his head. Nothing made sense.

Immediately, he saw the expression of his mother turn. Instead of looking at him teasingly like she did just a second ago, her face hardened and her lips formed a frown. Unending sadness reflected in her blue eyes.

"Oh, my poor sweetie." Vanitas found himself embraced by their mother. He had no clue how it had even happened.

"You didn't know. I'm so, so sorry, Vani. We should've told you. You two were so close. Sweetheart, Ventus is-"

"No," Vanitas said one last time, voice weak.

\---

Was moving the wrong decision after all?

Guilt plagued Vanitas in his dark room, the only source of light his phone lighting up with new messages - he had excused himself from work, telling his boss there had been familial issues. He really didn't want to go anywhere right now. 

Most of the texts were from his new friends, mostly Ephemer, but Vanitas didn't feel the motivation to answer them. He just left them.

Ventus committed suicide, just a little after he moved away. Was it because of him? Their break up had been less than ideal after all. God, what if it was? Vanitas killed him. Vanitas killed Ventus.

It had become routine. At night, Vanitas dreamed of Ventus. Sometimes he was spiteful and accusing, sometimes he claimed how lonely he was - covering his own ears did not stop Ventus's words. At day, he mulled in his bed, avoiding to look outside of his safe blanket cocoon - he had already seen Ventus once and was not ready to grasp air again.

Sora kept knocking at his door and trying to talk to him but Vanitas didn't want to leave his safe zone. He heard the disappointment and worry in Sora's voice whenever he didn't answer in longer sentences or didn't agree to whatever Sora had planned, but he just didn't have the energy to do so.

Fearing nightmares, he tried to stay awake as long as he could - which proved to be a stupid idea, as he then was asleep the next time Sora tried to talk to him. Sora, worried sick told their parents he didn't answer and they were this close to breaking into his room, only Vanitas's screaming at the commotion stopping them in their tracks.

Vanitas felt tired, even though he never did anything. He recognized that feeling like the one he always had back when Ventus and he had still been on-off. He had always felt tired like this when he and Ventus were split. However, now there was no cure to this anymore. He couldn't simply get back to being together with Ven, after all.

He shouldn't have listened to Mrs. Ava. He should've stuck with Ven, make it work somehow. He should've… he shouldn't have… maybe then Ven would still be alive today.

The thought to follow the Ventus of his dreams had crossed his mind more than once, however-

"Vanitas, let's watch movies together," Sora called, softly knocking on his door. He couldn't just abandon his brother like that. What if… Sora decided to follow him as well? Vanitas wanted him to be happy.

"Please. You… you don't need to do anything. Please just sit next to me. I want to… spend time with you."

But could he really continue living without Ventus? The hope to reunite and be happy with a healthy relationship was ruined. His heart felt fractured without this hope and the only person who would be able to make him feel whole again was gone.

Yet, Vanitas still felt the remains of his heart reach for Sora. He didn't know if he could live without Ventus. But he-

Sora sniffed. "Please Vani. Please…" he begged.

He wanted to live for Sora. For his parents.

With newfound determination, he stood up on wobbly legs and tried to reach for the door. But a new voice interrupted Sora, one that made Vanitas freeze in his tracks.

"I brought you school stuff. You've been missing school for almost a week and a half now," he said. "Where do you want me to dump all of the stuff?"

"My room," Sora sighed. There were footsteps and rustling, and soon, he heard a door being pulled shut, signaling their leave.

God, he had totally forgotten about Roxas. He couldn't face Ventus's twin. He looked too much like Ventus for Vanitas to deal with. Again, Vanitas rolled up in blankets on his bed. Later. He'll talk to Sora later. When Roxas left. He didn't want to meet Roxas.

\---

It was only a short nap, yet Ventus still plagued his dreams. Vanitas woke with a gasp eyes frantically searching the room. Of course, he wasn't here. He was dead. 

Groaning, Vanitas glanced at the clock. It was late evening, late enough for people to get ready for bed but not late enough they'd be asleep which meant Roxas probably went home and he could go talk with Sora.

Vanitas sighed as he opened the door. He checked the corridor, hoping for the absence of his parents. They were pretty much helicoptering him right now with their worry.

It was clear. The hallway was empty.

He really should apologize to Sora. A movie together didn't sound bad and he needed to get his mind off anyway. Plus he would stop making Sora worried and sick.

He was wrong.

He tiptoed out of the bedroom and was met with a blond, a familiar curve of lips on his face, the same blue eyes he loved so much-

"You're alive," Vanitas whispered, staring at Ventus in wonder.

Ventus tilted his head to the side.

"You're alive!" Vanitas repeated, striding over to the blond with fast steps. Stopping in front of him, he cupped their face with his hands. Marveling at the contact. This was real, not some delusion of his mind.

A relieved smile spread on Vanitas's face. "Ventus… I missed you."

Finally, recognition flashed in Ventus's eyes. "Vanitas," he whispered, pulling him closer. 

Vanitas nearly cried tears of relief. "I'm sorry," he kept on repeating, Ventus shushing him and giving him sweet kisses to his face to calm him down.

"It's late… I'm sorry. I need to leave," Ven mumbled and but Vanitas refused to let him out of his grasp, fearing he would simply disappear once Vanitas let go.

"We can meet tomorrow. All-day," Ventus promised. Reluctantly, Vanitas loosened his grasp. Ventus smiled at him and gave him one more peck. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," Vanitas repeated as he watched Ventus run down the stairs. Forgotten was the talk with Sora as Vanitas just went back to his room, staring at the ceiling in contemplation. Ventus was alive. Ven…

They could still be happy.

\---

The next few days, Vanitas slowly left the shell that was his room. He shocked Sora to death by eating cereal on the stairs (and also made his mother mad but she was also relieved he left his room so it balanced itself) and met with Ventus all day. It was reminiscent of when their relationship first started, Ventus being back to his sweet self. No longer did he get jealous of everything, no longer did he constantly doubt Vanitas - it was refreshing. It made Vanitas...happy.

It was exhilarating, he had missed being with Ven like that. He didn't realize how much better Ven actually made him feel. The happiness he had felt when he built his new life away had been forgotten - Ventus was able to make him happier than all of those things had ever done.

Vanitas quit his job to move back, finding a job closer to home. He apologized to Ephemer and his other friends for the missing contact and explained the situation, and canceled sessions with Mr. Gula.

Even though he had parted with that happiness, he didn't feel an ounce of regret.

"Look," Ven said, rolling his eyes. "I say we go to watch this movie." Vanitas chuckled.

"You don't need to act tough Ven," he teased. "I know you wanna see the romance movie."

A cry of frustration later, they were sitting in an action movie Ventus had claimed he wanted to see. Vanitas leaned over to press a kiss to his boyfriend's temple. "Thanks."

"For what?" Ventus asked, reaching over to grab some popcorn.

"For being ready to watch a movie you don't even want to see for me." 

Ventus snorted. "Look, Vanitas, you're giving me too much credit here. I really wanted to see this movie." Without another word, Ventus's eyes traveled to the screen, continuing to stuff himself with popcorn._ At this rate, the popcorn would run out before the movie even started, _Vanitas chuckled.

\---

Their dates were mostly held in secret. Vanitas felt like a high schooler in romance novels when he snuck Ventus in during night via the window to cuddle and talk all night.

When Vanitas fell asleep, Ventus was still there in the morning, right by his side.

"I dreamed that you died," Vanitas whispered, Ven opening his eyes blearily. 

"I'm here," he whispered back, pulling Vanitas close to hug him. Vanitas buried his face in his boyfriend's neck.

"When Sora told me… I thought my heart stopped. I thought I was going to fall over and die."

"I'm sorry." Vanitas shook his head.

"I'm just glad you're here. That you're alive. I can't live without you."

Ventus hummed. "I love you, Vanitas."

"I love you too." Just hearing the body next to him breathe, feeling the warmth - it was enough to make Vanitas shake off the terror of his dream.

"Why are you pretending to be Roxas anyway?" Vanitas asked. Ventus tensed up next to him.

There was a minute of silence in which Vanitas wondered if he had said something wrong until Ventus answered him.

"I wanted to be happy," Ventus whispered clutching to Vanitas.

"And you need to be Roxas for that?" Ventus nodded wordlessly. Vanitas sighed and hugged his boyfriend closer. There were no further words necessary.

\---

Their usual spot shifted from the diner to the ice cream parlor. It was surprising to Vanitas how much Ven seemed to love ice cream (all of the sudden). Every second of their free time was spent together.

Vanitas discovered a whole bunch of new quirks Ventus had he had no idea about before - he wondered if it meant Ventus had hidden them from Vanitas.

"You're late," Vanitas complained when Ven entered the ice cream parlor, hurrying to sit down across of him. One of those quirks was that Ventus did tend to be late. A lot.

"Sorry. Parents being overprotective right now." Vanitas hummed. With one of the twins dead, he could see why Mrs. Wayward and Mr. Wind try to keep an eye on Ventus all the time. He was like that with Sora as well.

"Don't worry. I already ordered for us." As he said these words, a waitress brought them the treats, a simple iced coffee for Vanitas and mint chocolate chip for Ventus, Vanitas thanking her.

"Mint chocolate chip?" Ventus asked eyeing the treat. He didn't look particularly happy to see the flavor Vanitas had picked for him.

"Is it not your favorite? You kept telling me you liked it so…" Ventus froze up, seemingly to think about something, almost panicked.

"Ah, no. I've just been on a sea salt eating spree. I have recently discovered that one to be my true love," he finally said, almost nervously.

Vanitas chuckled. "Wow, I'm jealous. I'll remember it for the next time you're late."

Ventus laughed with him, but the faint panic never faded from his eyes.

Vanitas didn't push it.

\---

It was just a matter of time until someone caught them. Ventus just left, panicked when Sora had caught Vanitas and him kissing - leaving Vanitas and his brother in somewhat awkward silence, one staring at the other.

Vanitas…" Sora started, his hands wringing with each other. Vanitas interrupted him.

"I know what you're going to say, so save it Sora." Sora flinched and looked at the ground. Vanitas had not meant to sound this mean, bit he supposed it was better in a situation like this. He wanted Sora to back off after all.

"He's… he's not Ventus," Sora said weakly. Vanitas's eyes narrowed. Sora didn't know, of course he didn't. If he knew everyone would know.

"It's none of your business," Vanitas said, dismissively, and tried to leave, as he had no more to say. But Sora managed to grab his arm, clutching to it.

"But I'm worried!" He said, voice shaking. "You're not only hurting Roxas if this continues, but you will also hurt yourself as well!"

Hurt himself? He had never been as happy as he was now. Yanking his arm out of Sora's grasp, he glared at his little brother, hoping that would scare him off.

"We're going to be fine. You just don't understand, Sora. Stay out of this."

Sora didn't follow him.

It didn't mean Sora gave up, however. He tried and tried to make Vanitas see his point of view, though Vanitas refused to accept he and Ventus should ever be apart again. He had put distance between them - not ready to continue to hear his brother criticize his relationship with Ventus. In fact, Vanitas started to dislike the sound of Sora's voice - Sora's words didn't reach him, not even the ones that had nothing to do with the relationship.

Ventus was oblivious to their quasi-argument, continuing to go on dates with Vanitas, smiling and laughing. Vanitas was so glad he was able to make Ventus happy now.

"Do you love me?" Ven asked while he was about to doze off, Vanitas chuckling as he combed through Ven's hair.

"I love you," Vanitas whispered into his ear, making Ventus giggle. 

"Sora told me. That you loved Ven and Ven only," he said with a yawn, snuggling into Vanitas.

"I love you," Vanitas repeated with a laugh. He repeated these words until Ventus fell asleep with a smile, right next to him.

\---

It was raining the day Vanitas thought about how the relationship with his little brother had declined. He loved Sora, but it was exhausting to hear him disregard his feelings for Ven day for day. But it was a complete misunderstanding - and Vanitas knew that. Sora simply didn't understand who he truly was with.

Maybe he should try to talk with Sora. Fix what was still fixable with their relationship. While being with Ven did bring him unlimited happiness, Vanitas regarded Sora as a big part of his life - one so big, Vanitas didn't want to lose it. Not like this.

Determined, he made his way to Sora's room for the long-overdue talk, finding the door slightly opened, Sora sitting on his bed, staring at the ceiling in contemplation.

"Is Ven alive? Did Roxas...die?" Sora questioned, completely immersed into his line of thought. Vanitas froze up. Sora… he figured it out? Well, that made explanations easier…. No! If he knew, he'd tell everyone. Like he did with Ven's sexuality. Or them being the couple.

Vanitas closed the door.

Suddenly, Sora's head turned and sea blue eyes met glowing golden eyes.

"Vani?" Sora asked. The night where Vanitas asked Ventus why he had pretended to be Roxas.

"What did you say?" 

_"I wanted to be happy."_

"Uhm, well, i-"

_"And you need to be Roxas for that?"_

"You said Ven was alive and Roxas was the one who died."

_If Sora told everybody, they'd know he was Ven._

Sora backed away from him. Vanitas followed him stepping deeper into the room. The distance between them stayed the same.

"How did you know?" Vanitas asked. 

_If he told everybody, they'd knew he wasn't Roxas._

"I… I didn't…"

Sora hit a wall behind him, but Vanitas didn't stop approaching. Sora never stopped trying to get away from him, even though he was in a dead-end.

"You know." 

_If Ventus wasn't seen as Roxas anymore, he would be unhappy. Vanitas didn't want Ventus to unhappy. Because if Ven was unhappy, it meant Vanitas would be unhappy as well._

It was a simple process of logic going through Vanitas's head. Sora knew everybody knew. Everybody knew, Ven unhappy. Ven unhappy, Vanitas unhappy. Where could he uproot this chain of events? Where could he stop the unfavorable outcome?

_It was simple. Stop Sora from telling everyone. There was no other way to stop this._

"I can't have you know," Vanitas whispered. "Ven is finally happy. I can't have you ruin that." 

He was finally able to bring Ven happiness. With all his might, he will stop him from being unhappy ever again.

"Please…" Sora begged. "I won't tell anyone. Please, Vani. I won't tell anyone, I promise!"

Vanitas stopped as he was standing right in front of Sora. Even though he had only walked a short distance, he could feel his pulse quickening, the blood and adrenaline pumping through his veins, hear his own pants.

"You know Sora, I can't believe that. You'll somehow blab it out with your big mouth. That's how it's always has been. Remember the secret Ven told you with the clear request to not tell anyone…? The next day everyone knew."

"I promise…!" Sora pleaded one last time l, but Vanitas knew better than to trust him. Sora was and at keeping secrets and with that a threat to their happiness. The happiness that Vanitas had become so addicted to.

Vanitas reached out to his brother and seized his waist, lifting him off the ground and throwing his body on the ground. Sora gasped as his back hit the floor, immediately trying to sit up, but Vanitas didn't let him, sitting down on Sora's stomach to hold him down. His fingers closed around his brother's neck, thumbs pressing down to cut off his windpipe. Sora scratched at his Vanitas's arms in panic, finally opening his eyes to stare at Vanitas, eyes wide and fear-stricken.

"No… Please!"

Tears rolled down Sora's face as he begged but Vanitas was not deterred. He didn't know what fueled him, probably a mix of adrenaline and love but with determination, he pressed down harder, slowly choking the life out of his brother.

"Big brother! Please don't… Big Brother Vani…!"

For a second Vanitas doubted. Was this really the only way? But as quickly as the thought appeared, it dispersed. It was the only way it was the only way it was the only way the only way to keep Ven happy!

"He's finally happy," Vanitas whispered. "I can't have you ruin it."

Even after Sora stopped moving, Vanitas continued. He didn't remember how long. He didn't even exactly know when Sora died, all he knew is that when Vanitas jumped up in horror, Sora's body was already cold, his eyes rolled back into his head, his limbs unmoving, his face wet with spit and tears.

The consequences of Vanitas's action hit him like a truck. God, he killed his little brother. He killed Sora.

With an ear-piercing scream, he stumbled back, his back hitting the door. All of his energy left him and he just slumped against the door, staring at Sora's body, eyes wide with shock.

And then he heard the front door opening and shut.

"I'm home!" His father's voice called. "Sora? Vanitas?"

Weakly, Vanitas managed to push himself up and opened the door, stumbling downstairs. He nearly fell but was caught by his father, who was traveling up the stairs at the same time. Immediately, Vanitas latched on to his father's clothes, tears leaking of his eyes and wetting the jacket.

"Woah! Are you alright?"

"I…" Vanitas managed to get out between his sobs. "I killed! I killed him…"

He felt his father freeze against him, only for a second. Then, he used his arms to embrace Vanitas, rubbing his back (just like Vanitas used to do for Sora all the time-).

"Calm down. It'll be fine-"

"It's not!" Vanitas interrupted with a scream. "It's not fine! I… killed him, Dad! I killed Sora!"

Silence from his father once more. Only Vanitas's sobbing could be heard. The sound of a car driving past their home. The neighbor's cat meowing loudly. Kids' chattering from outside.

"... Where is Sora?" His father asked. Vanitas pointed upstairs.

"His room… he's dead- I choked him to death." His father only nodded, albeit grimly.

"Listen to me Vanitas. I'll go check and you go to the living room and sit on the couch, you hear me? Don't move anywhere." With those words, his father pried his hands off of the jacket and gently led him down, making him sit. The thought that he should run didn't even cross Vanitas's mind. He nodded, maybe a minute after his dad had stopped speaking.

"Stay here Vanitas." Vanitas nodded again and watched his father's retreating figure. It felt like hours, days, weeks, months, years- all of that at once, though a short glance at the clock revealed that it maybe had been five minutes until his father came back down, expression grim.

His father sighed and moved close to him, kneeling on the ground to look at him, face to face. "Don't worry about it Vanitas. I'm going to call your Mom and we'll take care of this."

Vanitas only stared back at him. Something about this just felt so goddamn wrong. "Do not tell anyone what happened, do you understand?"

Nod. His father made the call.

\---

Vanitas had no idea what they did with Sora's body. All clues that the murder ever happened disappeared in a flash. In fact, sometimes Vanitas wondered if it wasn't just a bad dream.

They made a story up about Sora never coming home- acting the lie out together, making it the truth. Vanitas called Ventus first. Ventus called Aqua, Terra, Riku, everyone else. Together they looked for Sora all night, and even though Vanitas knew they wouldn't find anything he still hoped that they would. It would prove what just transpired in Sora's room had been a bad dream. 

But they didn't find him. Not that night, never. Vanitas knew it wasn't a dream, but he simply didn't wish to accept it. He lashed out and everyone. Got into bad habits. Fired and rejected.

Sora continued to haunt his dreams.

Only when Ventus was around his mind seemed to be at ease, his parents understanding his need to be close to the other boy and allowed Ven to stay over almost all the time with no further words. Vanitas didn't know what Ven's parents knew about them but they seemed to be arguing about something - Vanitas knew because Ven confessed to him one night that he'd rather be anywhere other than home. 

"We should leave," Ventus said one day.

Vanitas glanced at him. "Leave?"

"Yeah!" Ventus said, clearly excited. "Everyone is judging me because I go out with you. My parents, Lea, all of them! But what we're doing is not wrong. We should be able to love each other without their stupid input. So we should leave to somewhere where no one knows us. Start new and fresh!"

Vanitas contemplated the idea. The last time he made a new start, he was happy. Now that Ventus would go with him, wouldn't that be even better?

"Sure. Let's." It's not like he had anything holding him here anyway.

Ventus seemed happy about his answer and tackled him into a hug. "Thanks, Vani," he whispered. "When? When do we finally leave this shit hole?"

"We leave after you're done with school- don't look at me like that! It's easier to make yourself a life if you have something to back it up!"

Ventus sighed. "Yeah, I know. But I hate it here. Too many memories that hurt."

"We'll leave soon," Vanitas promised.

Ven smiled at him. "Together," he whispered.

\---

Most of their time until Ventus's graduation was spent together. Just lazing around, Vanitas helping Ventus studying, or gaming together. Ventus was surprisingly bad at school for being a nerd, but Vanitas didn't judge. He was also surprisingly good at school for a troublemaker after all.

"I'm leaving with… Roxas, once he graduates," Vanitas told his parents one day over dinner. The two of them exchanged short glances. 

"Alright, sweetie," his mother said. "Call us sometimes, alright?" Her expression was sad, reminiscent of when he first told her he would move out. How can she be sad, after what he did to Sora?

"Bring us presents for Christmas," his father added. They laughed. It still felt a little off without Sora's bright laughter.

Vanitas had to make all kinds of promises, but his parents let him go. They weren't opposed to setting him free, even after what he did. They even helped him pack. Vanitas promised to at least send them Christmas presents if he couldn't make it home.

They looked so sad, Vanitas almost felt bad.

"Vanitas." Vanitas looked up to meet his father's eyes.

"Here. Take this." His father pressed some an USB-Stick into his hands. Vanitas stared at it in wonder. "It's got some of our favorite songs."

"Thanks, Dad," Vanitas said earnestly. His father nodded at him, with a smile that was so sad, Vanitas teared up in the spot. His mother chose that specific moment to enter the room they were talking in. They cried for the rest of the evening together. For what specific reason, Vanitas couldn't tell.

\---

_Day X_

_Today, I went to Sora's and met his older brother. Vanitas was kind of mean to us but I don't think he's a bad person. Sora reprimanded him for it and he looked almost ashamed!_

_Day XX_

_I've been visiting Sora more often. Don't get me wrong - Sora is a great friend and I love spending time with him but lately, I noticed that I hope to get a glance of Vanitas. _

_Day XXX_

_I say Vanitas treat Sora's knee after Sora fell. He was gentle… totally different from the rumors. He kept asking Sora if he was okay. I think it was kind of sweet._

_Day XXXX_

_I told Ventus about my thoughts circling around Vanitas lately. He laughed and said that I got a crush. I wanted to protests but I didn't know why you say._

_Day XXXXX_

_Olette tried to kiss me. I kissed her back but I imagined it to be someone different… it felt all wrong when I opened my eyes and saw her instead of him._

_Day XXXXXX_

_I told them about how I feel. They don't talk to me anymore. Ventus said they were awful friends._

_Day XXXXXXX_

_Lea got himself a date with a girl he liked. He looked so happy… I wonder if it is solely because he got that date. Should I ask the person I like on a date as well?_

_Day XXXXXXXX_

_I tried to but I was scared he'll reject me and chickened out. Ventus consoled me. He advised me to try with a letter or presents. He saw it in some kind of romance movie and apparently, it worked wonders. Well, maybe I can prepare something for Christmas, it's coming up after all._

_Day XXXXXXXXX_

_I didn't manage to get it done on time._

_Day XXXXXXXXXX_

_I keep visiting Sora to get a glimpse of Vanitas. It feels somewhat unfair towards Sora but I don't have another way to see him._

_Day XXXXXXXXXX_

_Riku is such an asshole. I don't get how someone as Sora can like him so much._

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXX_

_I continue to work on my present… I want it done by this Christmas._

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXX_

_I gave Sora the present so he'd give it to Vanitas! I hope he likes it._

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_I accidentally texted with Ven's phone. But the good news is, Vanitas liked the present!_

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Vanitas is more around when we visit Sora nowadays. Sora says he's shy and actually wants to be friends with us, so he keeps inviting him to hang out with us. Maybe I can take this chance to become friends with him!_

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Vanitas and Ven are suddenly best friends? O don't understand what happened… Vanitas didn't even try to be friends with me._

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Ven's having trouble with bullies. Sora spilled out his secret. Well, it was his own fault for telling Sora of all people in the first place._

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_While Ventus was in the shower, his phone rang. He has Vanitas's number? When did he get that? I texted with Vanitas and he was so fun to text with. I kept Ventus's phone._

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_I've been texting a lot with Vanitas. He wants to meet up but I'm a little scared. But I want to meet him too…_

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_It was a complete bust. He recognized me immediately._

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_I heard from Sora that Vanitas and Ven are a couple now. I can't believe it! Ven knew about my crush, yet he decided to… to steal him from me?_

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_I argued with Ven. He said it was Vanitas's decision who to love and I shouldn't be mad that it's not me. He doesn't understand at all!_

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Ven brought Vanitas home to introduce him to our parents. I hated seeing them together in school and now I have to see them together at home as well?_

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_I kissed Vanitas on Christmas Eve but he pushed me away. Ven was mad about it. It was a taste of his own medicine! We fought and Ventus pushed Vanitas. He fell and hit his head pretty hard. He wouldn't wake up so I was a little scared! He turned out fine in the hospital so I was relieved. Our parents didn't let us visits him though, so I never got the chance to apologize to him. I hope he got the keychain I made for him at least._

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Ventus keeps breaking up with Vanitas over stupid stuff. Is he nuts? If Vanitas was my boyfriend I'd keep him forever!_

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Vanitas broke up with Ven and moved away. Good job Ven. You pushed him too far._

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Ventus keeps talking bad about Vanitas. I can't stand it._

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_I hate Ventus. He doesn't even know how lucky he was that Vanitas even spared him a glance. I never got anything from him. Why? Don't I deserve his affection too?_

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Sora told me Vanitas still loved Ven. I thought now that had broken up, I may have a chance, but it seems like it's not the case._

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_I've… I've made my decision. I hate Ventus… he stole Vanitas from me, lied about the presents I made and claimed they were from him and still didn't appreciate Vanitas a single bit! He made Vanitas so unhappy. Lea's having a party in his apartment. It's on the 12th floor. I'm going to push Ven from his balcony. It's what he deserves._

\---

Vanitas had no clue how Ventus was able to sneak all of that stuff out. But his car was stacked with their belongings, ready to drive off after Ven's graduation - currently, he was waiting in front of the school gates, softly playing the music his father had given him. He hummed along, closing his eyes.

A knock on his car's window made him open them again, Ventus waiting for him to open the door outside, diploma in his hands.

Vanitas released the lock and immediately, Ventus jumped in, clearly irritated and panting heavily. "Let's get outta here. Took me a shit ton of time to get my parents off my case."

Vanitas laughed and started the car, full speeding on the street before Ventus was even able to fasten the safety belt.

From the corner of his eye, he was able to make out Ven pulling something out of his backpack. "What's that?" He asked curiously. It looked like a worn book.

"This? It's my diary… Sorta." Vanitas chuckled.

"Gonna make a bomb-ass entry about running away with me?" He teased, Ventus laughing.

"Nope. I thought this was a good moment to part with my old self so," he opened the book and started to too the pages out shredding them to bits. Vanitas watched with mild fascination. "I'm gonna toss it out. Someone behind us?" 

Vanitas glanced in the rear mirror. "Nope, you're good."

Ventus eyes glinted mischievously when he opened the window of Vanitas's car and began to toss the tiny scraps out, all of them carried away by the wind, just like his laughter. "Damn that felt good."

Vanitas hummed and focused on driving while Ventus turned up the music, laughing. "God, what are you hearing? This is so old!"

"Shut up. My dad gave it to me," Vanitas laughed. "And it's kinda catchy, don't you think?"

"Kinda. If you have a shit taste." Vanitas barked out laughter.

"C'mon don't be like that. It's catchy!" Ventus just shook his head but Vanitas knew he was agreeing in secret.

_"I'll go again,_

_Can't help myself_," Vanitas sung along, making Ventus laugh.

_"I'm lying to myself again,_

_Lying to myself again,"_ Vanitas knew he was shit at anything music-related, but that didn't stop him from howling the lyrics of the song in the highest volume possible for him.

_" I'm lying to myself,_

_Lying to myself again," **Roxas**_ finally joined in, both of them singing the song as they drove away from their miserable memories, into a new life.

\---

_Day XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_I did it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Stereophonics - Lying to Myself Again
> 
> Me: _"I'm trying to write subtle obssession."_
> 
> My friend: _"You're doing WHAT?"_
> 
> Thank you so much for reading the entire series! This was not supposed to be this long (laughs). I just started writing and kept going and going... And suddenly, it was longer than the other two parts combined! Damnit VanVen...
> 
> So, did the ending shock you? It shocked me...


End file.
